Starshollow

1-Rory: Can we not say the word college for at least forty-eight hours?

Lorelai: Fine.

Rory: Thank you.

Lorelai: How 'bout collage, can we say collage? 'Cause it sounds the same but it's actually very different.

Rory: Collage is fine.

Lorelai: Okay, good, 'cause I don't even know how to get through a conversation without the word collage.

2-[Lorelai's having Rory]

Young Lorelai: Okay, this is a big pain and I'd really like it to go away, please.

Nurse: Just breathe deep, honey.

Young Lorelai: Breathing doesn't help, can I hit you instead?

Nurse: What?

Young Lorelai: Or pinch you really hard, 'cause that might make me feel better.

Nurse: No, you cannot hit me.

Young Lorelai: Can I bite you or pull your hair or use the Epilady on you 'cause I really need to do something.

-"Dear Emily and Richard"

3-Rory: Do something to make me hate you!

Lorelai: Um, go Hitler?

4-Dave: A few weeks ago you told me that Lane had a crush on me. Well, I have a crush on her, too. Now, I know you have very strict rules about dating and boys, but I just want you to know that I'm a good person. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I've never gotten a ticket, I'm healthy, I take care of myself, I floss. I never watch more than 30 minutes of television a night partly because I think it's a waste of time and partly because there's nothing on. I respect my parents, I do well in school, I never play video games in case they do someday prove that playing them can turn you into a serial killer. I don't drink coffee. I hate soda because the carbonation freaks me out. I'm happy to give up meat if you feel strongly about it. I don't mind wearing a tie. I enjoy playing those hymns on my guitar, and I really, really want to take your daughter to the prom.

Dave: [Mrs. Kim doesn't say anything] Mrs. Kim? Please don't make me repeat that list again.

Mrs. Kim: Let never day nor night unhallow'd pass, but still remember what the Lord hath done.

Dave: Okay, thank you.

Dave: [Dave and Lane walk outside] Did you hear what she said?

Lane: Yes, I did.

Dave: What did it mean?

Lane: I don't know.

Dave: Was it a yes, was it a no?

Lane: I'm not sure.

Dave: Well, it's gotta be from the bible, right? So I'll just go home, do some research, look on the Internet, see what I can find. I'll call you when I know something.

5-Jackson: [asking why Luke and Lorelai are fighting] Was it because I brought up my meat rub?

Sookie: Yes, it was.

6-[Turns to Rory and says sarcastically]

Jess: So Courtney, what about you?

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

7-Sookie: [petrified] Uncle Ernie hugged me too long!

8-Paris: Fine, if you guys wanna sit around for an hour after school swapping makeover horror stories, then count me in. Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I plucked outside of my designated brow line? Man, was my face red.

Madline: I've done that, too. Ooh, it's bad.

Louise: She was being sarcastic.

Madline: Well, I wasn't. I looked surprised for a month.

9-Paris: I must be crazy for thinking a banana-eating contest was about eating a banana!

-"Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doin' the Twist/ aka Gilmore Girls Gone Wild"

10-Man on LOUDSPEAKER: The banana-eating contest is about to start on the upper level.

Paris: Oh, real food. Thank God.

Rory: Um... Paris.

-"Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doin' the Twist/ aka Gilmore Girls Gone Wild"

11-Michel: [about Paris] She's back! She's coming back!

Lorelai: What? Why?

Michel: I don't know - maybe she forgot her phone, or her spell book, or something.

12-Zach: Brian's been yammering on about germs and spores for 20 minutes. I'm completely freaked out to touch a microphone ever again.

Brian: I'm just saying, at the end of the night, who cleans them?

Zach: Shut up, Brian.

Gil: Look, man, I only have the babysitter till 6:00, then it's my turn to drive them to Jamboree.

Zach: Dude, you promised you wouldn't talk about the parental issue during band practice.

Gil: We're not having band practice, and it's not a parental issue. It's being part of the cycle of life, and that, my friend, is pure rock 'n' roll.

Zach: Go join "The Polyphonic Spree," you fruitcake.

Brian: I'm just saying my bass strap has a smell.

13-Zach: [sings] "A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing." Dude, what's a bulwark?

Brian: What?

Zach: It says, a bulwark never failing.

Brian: I think it's a wall.

Zach: Then why don't they just say that? Bulwark sounds totally gay.

Brian: I don't think you're supposed to call a hymn gay. It's like a sin or something.

Zach: Whatever, man. I'm not saying bulwark.

14-Zach: [singing] I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see.

Mrs. Kim: Very nice. You may now take a fifteen-minute break while we finish our tea. Also, good time to retune.

Brian: Was she looking at me?

Zach: She wasn't looking at me, dude.

15-Lorelai: Boy, you'd think love songs are all you and Lane would wanna play.

Zach: Man, this crunch just now sounded like the drum-fill in Baba O'Reilly.

Dave: Yeah, Zach, a musical mouth. That's awesome.

Zach: But why would Dave and Lane wanna play just love songs?

Lorelai: Because, I was just thinking, you know, with Dave's name - Dave - you've got the last two letters in love. V, E. And with Lane's name, you have the L. You can just dump the A and add an O and there you go.

16-Zach: Yeah. Dave, you're a Christian. So what? That's cool.

Brian: It's nothing to hide.

Zach: Christians can still rock.

Dave: They can?

Lane: Yeah, yeah, Dave. Christians can still rock, don't hide it.

Zach: Marshall Stacks don't know Christians from atheists.

Dave: Gosh, I just wasn't sure if you guys would be accepting of my devoutness.

Brian: Dave, it's a part of you, and we think you're cool, so it's cool.

Dave: Great. Thanks, guys.

Zach: But no way are we playing Creed, man.

Dave: Oh, no, of course not.

Zach: Or Amy Grant. That's where we draw the line.

17-Zach: Dude, Brian's breathing is louder than the song.

Brian: I've got a deviated septum. All the women in my family and me have it.

Zach: Well, it's throwing me off.

Lane: Hold your breath when we're playing, Brian. There, problem solved. Okay, come on, now, let's rock. One, two, three...

Zach: Wait. The bottom line here is that breathing should not be louder than a rock band. Am I right or am I right?

18-Dave: Anyhow, I hadn't seen you in a while, and I thought I'd come down and maybe we could figure something out on this band issue.

Lane: Sure, we could do that.

Dave: Plus, I missed you.

Lane: You did? You missed me?

Dave: Well, yeah. Did you miss me?

Lane: Oh, yeah, definitely. I definitely, definitely missed you.

Dave: Glad and relieved to hear it

19-Dave: Thank you. You know, my parents would love these sandwiches. I wish I could bring 'em by but unfortunately they're in private bible study right now.

-"They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They"

20-Zach: Whoa, cool.

Dave: We all finished at the same time.

Lane: That has never happened.

Brian: The middle of that song didn't even sound like us.

Dave: Yeah, it sounded good.

21-Dave: What we need is a name.

Brian: I made my suggestion.

Zach: Yeah, and we vetoed 'The Harry Potters.' Next.

Brian: So yours is better?

Zach: 'Follow Them to the Edge of the Dessert' is memorable and classy.

Brian: I run out of breath every time I say it.

Zach: You've got asthma, dude. You run out of breath saying your name.

Dave: Yeah, Brian, we can't work our name around your respiratory illnesses.

Brian: Even without an inhaler, 'Follow Them to the Edge of the Dessert' is too long.

Zach: Yeah, but when we get famous, our fans will shorten it to FTTTEOTD.

22-Brian: [discussing names for the band] How about "The We"?

Zach: We?

Brian: Yeah. We are "The We."

Zach: I can't talk about this any more.

23-Rory: Guys, that was amazing. Really, it was awesome.

Dave: Thanks.

Zach: Dude, you did good, you really did. But you got a little too close to me when you were singing into the mike.

Brian: I got as close as I had to.

Zach: Your nose touched my cheek, man. That's too close.

-"Keg! Max!"

24-Dave: You're drunk.

Lane: No, I'm... am I?

Dave: We're going on in five minutes. Can you even play?

Lane: Oh, I can hit the sticks on those brums.

Dave: Great, great, but what about the drums?

-"Keg! Max!"

25-Dave: Wow, you run really quiet.

Lane: Sorry, I'm sorry about everything.

Dave: What?

Lane: The whole night. I had no idea she'd make you play five straight hours without a break.

Dave: It's okay.

Lane: Your hands must be dead.

Dave: They're just a little numb. But I've got these Kurt Cobain calluses now, how cool is that?

26-Lane: Hi.

Dave: Hi, and hi.

Lane: Uh, this will not be the mental image you carry around of me the rest of the week.

Dave: No, it won't. Hold on, I just saw the back. Yes, it will.

27-Lane: The very concept of childbirth is vaguely disturbing.

Rory: Yeah. Kids are cool and all, but getting there seems like a big cosmic joke.

Lane: Definitely thought up by a man.

Rory: My mom said that when she told me where babies come from.

Lane: My mom still hasn't told me.

Rory: Really?

Lane: When my cousin got pregnant, she said it's because an angel brushed its wings against her face.

Rory: I could fill you in on the details sometime if you want.

Lane: No thanks, I've picked it up off the streets.

28-Rory: So I was thinking that maybe we could move it from this Saturday to next Saturday?

Paris: Okay.

Madline: What did she say?

Louise: What did you say?

Paris: I said okay.

29-[Lorelai has to model in a charity event for Booster Club that her mother made her get involved in]

Lorelai: Ugh, they totally just snuck that modeling thing in.

Rory: Hmm, my mom's a model. Maybe you'll get to date Leonardo DiCaprio now.

Lorelai: Plus, now I have to plan the whole stupid thing.

Rory: Lorelai Gilmore. Nope, doesn't sound model-y enough. You need something that stands out more. How about Waffle. We could call you Waffle and say you're from Belgium.

Lorelai: [dialing on her cell phone] Okay, I'm crabby, I need to do something about it.

[On phone]

Lorelai: Hey Mom!

Emily: Well, hello.

Lorelai: So I went to my first Booster meeting last night, did Bitty tell you?

Emily: No, she did not.

Lorelai: Oh, well, maybe she's still stuck under that desk. You might want to send someone out there to look.

Emily: Well, it's certainly nice to hear you finally getting involved.

Lorelai: Yes, in fact we're planning a charity fashion show next weekend, and I volunteered to organize it.

Emily: Well, good for you.

Lorelai: Yes, and since I know how concerned you are about how Rory's perceived at Chilton, I knew you'd want to be involved somehow, so you're gonna be one of the models.

Emily: Excuse me?

Lorelai: Yeah, so it's next Saturday, be there at four, and we'll provide hair and makeup.

Emily: Lorelai, you can't be serious.

Lorelai: Oh, and we'll need your measurements also.

Emily: This is ridiculous.

Lorelai: Mom. You said you wanted me to be involved. Well, I'm involved, now don't you want to do your part to ensure Rory's future?

Emily: All right.

Lorelai: Start measuring.

[Hangs up]

Rory: You feel better now?

Lorelai: Waffle's very happy.

30-Lorelai: I love my little circus freak.

31-Rory: Forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown.

32-Lorelai: I love ranting Luke.

33-Zach: [the band is talking about new replacement, Gil] Right here

[points to his eyes], he's got some lines. That blows my mind.

Brian: What is he, late thirties?

Zach: Approaching forty.

Lane: Forty?

Brian: He was alive before man walked on the moon.

Zach: Don't do that, man. You're freaking me out.

Lane: Let's not be over-dramatic, guys. I mean, he is an incredible guitarist.

Zach: He's had a lot of time to practice.

Brian: And the bicentennial - he was alive for that.

Lane: This is the best we've sounded since Dave, and he's really...

Zach: Elderly.

Lane: Excited.

Brian: He was our age when we were born.

Lane: He thinks we're great

Brian: There were no cd's when he was born.

Zach: Stop it, man. I mean it.

Lane: Maybe there's a way to offset his oldness. Put a hat on him. Dress him up like Angus Young in AC/DC - that schoolboy outfit.

Brian: He could have seen AC/DC with their original lead singer.

Zach: And 1980 is when that guy choked on his own vomit. That's old.

Lane: You want to stop the audition?

Brian: We shouldn't be rude.

Lane: Good.

Zach: Fine, we'll keep going, but remember, any new member has to be approved by all of us. So one vote against, and he's back at bingo.

Lane: I know.

34-Michel: Well, you know what happens when you assume.

Lorelai: What?

Michel: I don't know. Something about a donkey. It is a stupid American phrase.

35-Lorelai: I just broke up with someone.

Luke: Yeah.

Lorelai: We'd been dating for a few months now.

Luke: I figured there was someone in the picture.

Lorelai: You did? How?

Luke: Just clues. You know, you never dressed weather-appropriate, that kind of thing.

36-Rory: What's with the carrots?

Lorelai: I was afraid you weren't eating well at school.

Rory: Ohhh.

Lorelai: Marshmallow?

37-Luke: [Jess' beeper goes off when Luke visits him in his run-down apartment] What, are you a drug dealer now?

38-Rory: I have to perform Act Five of "Romeo and Juliet" with Paris, Madeline and Louise.

Lorelai: Really?

Rory: Paris has appointed herself as director.

Lorelai: Nice. What part are you playing?

Rory: I don't know yet. She's still mulling over the screen tests right now. We're gonna find out tomorrow.

Lorelai: Screen tests?

Rory: 24 takes.

Lorelai: Ah, I so want a copy.

Rory: Forget it.

Lorelai: Sell it on the Internet, make a fortune. 'First we brought you Pamela and Tommy Lee, now prepare yourselves for the crazy antics of Rory and the Bard.'

Rory: Oh, and I told Paris that you would make all of our costumes so she wants to have a concept meeting with you tomorrow at three.

Lorelai: What?

Rory: Yeah, she needs a resume and samples of your previous work and, uh, referrals.

Lorelai: And my bare butt to kiss?

Rory: If you think that will set you apart from the other applicants, yes.

39-Luke: [Luke is buying self-help books but doesn't want Andrew to see them] What are you doing?

Andrew: I have to ring them up.

Luke: I'll just tell you the prices. This one is... $24.99.

Andrew: That high?

Luke: They're your prices!

Andrew: Can I just see the book?

Luke: I'm reading you the book. It says right here.

[looks at the price again]

Luke: Oh, wait - that's the Canadian price. $14.99.

Andrew: Will you just let me scan the book?

Luke: When you scan the book, do you see the title?

Andrew: Yes.

Luke: Then no.

Andrew: Luke, come on! What do you got there, porn?

Luke: You sell porn?

Andrew: No!

Luke: You think I brought my own porn in here to buy?

Andrew: I don't know what you're doing. I just need to scan the books.

Luke: [hands Andrew some money] This should cover it.

Andrew: A hundred bucks? That's way too much!

Luke: Take it.

[he leaves, then comes back in]

Luke: Bag.

[Andrew hands him one, he leaves again]

40-Lorelai: Luke, will you marry me?

Luke: What?

-"A House is not a Home"

41-Tobin: Michel, did you get a bagel?

Michel: I don't want a bagel.

Tobin: Are you sure? They're kosher.

Michel: I don't eat bagels. Bagels are like glue in your intestines and ensure that everything that enters your body will remain there until you die.

Sookie: Ew! Shut up!

42-Louise: It's just a contest, Paris. It's not like you get a car or a lifetime supply of Rice a Roni.

Madline: God, I love that stuff.

43-Rory: [Logan just called Rory his "girlfriend" for the first time] You OK over there? Do you need a glass of water or... a time machine?

44-[Luke has hired a new waiter]

Rory: Oh, my god.

Lorelai: What?

Rory: He hired Brennon Lewis.

Lorelai: And?

Rory: Ew!

Lorelai: He doesn't look that bad.

Rory: He's the boy who dissected a frog, did not wash his hands, and then ate a sandwich.

Lorelai: Ew!

Rory: He's like the lost Farrelly brother. He's so stupid. He watched 'The Breakfast Club' and decided to tape his own butt cheeks together.

45-[At the Yale-Harvard football game]

Lorelai: Oh, wait, are you Pennilyn Lott, my dad's college sweetheart?

Pennilyn Lott: Yes.

Lorelai: You're my almost-mommy.

Pennilyn Lott: Well, I supposed that's one way of putting it...

Lorelai: I'm so glad to finally meet you. Let me ask you something - would you have let me get a pony?

46-Rory: I want you to meet Marty.

Lorelai: Oh, naked guy.

Marty: You told your mother about me.

Rory: Um, yeah. Well, I included some anecdotes where you were actually clothed, too.

Marty: Oh, I appreciate that.

Richard: And who is this young man?

Rory: This is Marty. He lives in my residence hall.

Emily: It's very nice to meet you, Marty.

Richard: Why did my daughter just call you "naked guy"?

Rory: I now owe you money.

Marty: I, uh, had an unfortunate experience with a keg and a party and a need to take my clothes off and fall asleep in a hallway.

Emily: Oh, my goodness.

Richard: Oh, please, that's nothing. I was naked an entire month my sophomore year.

Rory: What?

Lorelai: Welcome to tonight's episode of "Things I Never Needed to Know About My Father."

Richard: I and a group of like-minded young men decided to protest the new dress code by wearing silk ties and nothing else. We were written up by the dean of admissions and threatened with expulsion. We were also suddenly very popular with the ladies.

Emily: Ah, yes. This is exactly the kind of conversation I had hoped we would have with our granddaughter and her friend.

Richard: One night in the hallway does not a true naked guy make, my friend.

-"Ted Koppel's Big Night Out"

47-Rory: [when Rory, Paris, and Lane are all having relationship problems, Paris gets them each a cup of Miss Patty's alcoholic punch] Miss Patty's punch is used to clean tar off of construction sites.

Paris: So let it clean the tar off of our souls.

48-[Lorelai wants Luke to fire the annoying new guy he hired]

Lorelai: He doesn't write the orders down, he never brings you food that's hot or yours, he can't distinguish bagels from doughnuts, he hands out butt napkins, and he has worn that Foreigner t-shirt every single day since he started working here and he doesn't know who they are. I asked him.

Luke: What are butt napkins?

Lorelai: Kirk needed a napkin, and he pulled one out of his back pocket.

Luke: Hey, Bren?

Brennon Lewis: Yeah, boss?

Luke: Did you give Kirk a napkin out of your back pocket?

Brennon Lewis: Yeah.

Luke: Don't.

Brennon Lewis: Okay.

49-Lorelai: You lost me at carrots, which was the first draft of 'you had me at hello'.

50-Lorelai: So, apparently, I'm now the Reigning Lorelai.

Rory: Huh. I guess you are.

Lorelai: It's a lot of responsibility.

Rory: Well, sure.

Lorelai: I mean, it's mostly ceremonial stuff nowadays. Declaring knighthoods, opening supermarkets. But now and then, you get to banish someone or pose for a stamp.

Rory: Neat. And coins.

Lorelai: Yeah, and coins. You know, someday you'll be the Reigning Lorelai.

Rory: I don't like that idea!

Lorelai: Why not? You get a cape.

Rory: Because if I'm the Reigning Lorelai, then that means you'll be gone.

Lorelai: Gone? No, not me. I'll step down way before that. I'm not going to pull a Queen Elizabeth on you, make you wait around forever, force you to develop interests in polo and architecture.

Rory: I am scared of horses.

Lorelai: I know that.

Rory: So there's a cape, huh?

-"The Reigning Lorelai"

51-Lorelai: Are you going to kiss me now? You are so incredibly predictable.

52-Emily: Rory, I know you heard a lot of talk about various disappointments this evening, and I know you've heard a lot of talk about it in the past, but I want to make this very clear: you, young lady, your person and your existence, have never ever been, not even for a second, included in that list. Do you understand me?

53-[Lorelai and Luke are discussing Rory and her new boyfriend Dean]

Lorelai: I have to make her understand that I'm okay with the guy thing. 'Cause not talking about guys and our personal lives - that's me and my mom. That is not me and Rory.

Luke: Are you okay with the guy thing?

Lorelai: Yes.

Luke: Really?

Lorelai: Okay-ish.

Luke: That's not okay.

Lorelai: That's okay with an "ish."

Luke: Whatever you say.

54-Rory: [after Paris very bluntly breaks up with her boyfriend over the phone] That had the tact of a Nazi storm trooper.

55-Lorelai: What happened? The reception on the phone sucked. All I heard was "Rory" and "Chilton" and "Get down here." Whose butt do I have to kick?

Rory: We didn't go to breakfast.

Lorelai: What are you talking about?

Rory: We came here. They broke into the headmaster's office as the big initiation.

Lorelai: Ugh, those stupid girls.

Rory: Uh huh. Part of the initiation was ringing a bell. So, that's what I was doing when security showed up and they called you.

Lorelai: That's what you got busted for? That's it? Bell-ringing?

Rory: Yes.

Lorelai: Were you at least smoking a Cuban cigar while you were doing it?

Rory: Mom.

Lorelai: No, I mean, "bad girl, how many times have I told you not to ring bells?"

Rory: [interrupting] Let's go.

Lorelai: [continuing] "They can dent, or scratch, and they make dogs go crazy. Who do you think you are, the Hunchback of Notre Dame? Are you French? Circular? I don't think so."

Rory: I'm walking to the car now.

Lorelai: [later] Was it a big bell at least?

57-Rory: [Rory and Paris are in Florida for spring break; both are drunk] Whoa, I'm loving the spinning beach.

-"Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doin' the Twist/ aka Gilmore Girls Gone Wild"

58-Lorelai: Mom, Dad, look. I know we've had our differences over where Rory should go to school, but that's behind us now. She's going to Yale, and, that's good. Really good

Rory: Nothing but smiles.

Lorelai: We're both really happy about it.

Rory: Both.

Lorelai: Her and me.

Rory: She and I.

Lorelai: Everybody in this room named Lorelai is over the moon about the going to Yale.

Rory: Which means that everybody else in this room not named Lorelai can be, equally over the moon about the going to Yale.

59-Michel: [Sookie wants Michel to choose a cookie] I don't care.

Sookie: I just need a quick opinion!

Michel: It took me two seconds to tell you I don't care, that's as quick as I get.

60-Lorelai: So, let me get this straight. Uh, you and some guys who actually know what they're doing are gonna come over and fix my house, and I can pay them back whenever I want?

Luke: That's right.

Lorelai: 'Cause I'm Tony Soprano?

Luke: Only scarier.

61-Logan: Rory, you're special.

Rory: Like "stop-eating-the-paste" special?

-"Wedding Bell Blues"

62-Marty: Okay. I actually snagged us some caviar. They were all out of toast points, but I think we can use Doritos and achieve a very similar result.

[notices Anna]

Marty: Hey.

Rory: This is Anna.

Marty: [gasps excitedly] Did Paris move?

Paris: [from behind] I'm right here, Marty.

Marty: I know, Paris.

63-Marty: [Rory missed breakfast] Well, hey, you want some eggs or something? I always take enough for ten. I blame my brother. He always took the biggest piece of chicken.

Rory: And left you none?

Marty: No, there was plenty more. I just wanted the biggest piece.

65-Marty: So, I just bartended this crazy brunch, with chocolate fountains and floating ice sculptures and I snagged us all kinds of hors d'oeuvres

Paris: Nice going, bucko.

Marty: Okay, so she didn't really mean nice going, right? 'Cause there's sort of a devil eye thing going on

66-Sookie: Okay, here we go. Low fat, whole wheat blueberry pancakes.

Michel: Are there 12?

Sookie: 12 what?

Michel: Blueberries. I can only have 12 blueberries for breakfast.

Sookie: Or what?

Michel: What do you mean, or what?

Sookie: What happens if you eat 13 blueberries?

Michel: This is a silly conversation.

Sookie: Would you die?

Michel: Just hand me the plate.

Sookie: Only if you don't count.

Michel: I won't count.

Sookie: Swear. Raise your right hand and say, 'May Destiny's Child break up if I count these blueberries.'

Michel: [raises his hand] ... Pick another group.

Sookie: Nope.

Michel: [slams hand down] I hate you! Hate you!

67-[Rory has just met Paul, a younger man Lorelai once dated "casually" because he came into Luke's with his parents]

Lorelai: What?

Rory: Nothing.

Lorelai: Say it!

Rory: I've always wanted a little brother.

Lorelai: He looked older the other night.

Rory: How much older could he possibly look?

Lorelai: A lot! He's usually a little scruffy, and then the baseball cap hides the funky hair thing.

Rory: He should've been holding a yo-yo and a lollipop and wearing a beanie with a propeller on it.

Lorelai: He's in his twenties.

Rory: He must have been a very good boy to deserve such a happy day. I bet they let him ride a pony.

-"Pilot"

68-Marty: [at Asher's wake, hands Rory a plastic cup] Root beer?

Rory: [takes the cup] Yeah. Thanks, Marty, for everything. You've been such a huge help tonight.

Marty: For you, anything.

69-Anna: [after Rory shooed away two college guys, whining] Rory!

Rory: Anna!

Anna: Well that's not fair. You get to talk to boys!

Rory: What?

Anna: You were over there, talking to Marty.

Rory: [laughs] That's different. Marty's just a friend. Which is another great thing about college. You learn to have guy friends. Nothing romantic, just a good pal.

[Marty looks pained]

Rory: Those boys are not interested in your friendship, unless the word "friendship" is tattooed on your butt. Now drink your coffee.

[they take a sip]

Rory: It's good, huh?

70-Marty: Okay. I remember something about Rome. Rome. Rome. Romans live there. Audrey Hepburn took a holiday there. It's the name of a B52s song.

Rory: Different Rome.

Marty: Okay. That's it. I can't remember. College is breaking my spirit. Every single day telling me things I don't know, it's making me feel stupid.

71-Richard: Focus, please.

Lorelai: I am a camera.

-"Wedding Bell Blues"

72-Tristan: And she's reading again. How novel.

Rory: Good-bye, Tristan.

Tristan: Did you get the novel thing? Because...

Rory: I said good-bye.

Tristan: What are you doing here?

Rory: I like lines.

Tristan: The guy's supposed to buy the tickets.

Rory: Really. Does Susan Faludi know about this?

Tristan: Unless of course there is no guy.

Rory: There's a guy

Tristan: A Cheap guy.

Rory: Well, what can I say? I like 'em cheap. Sloppy too - bald spot, beer gut, you know, and the pants that kind of slip down in the back, giving you that good plumber shot. That sends me through the roof.

Tristan: So who is he?

Rory: How many languages can you say 'none of your business' in.

Tristan: Does he go to this school?

Rory: No, he doesn't.

Tristan: Uh-huh. Well, look, OK, I'll confess something to you. I don't have a date.

Rory: Well I hear Squeaky Fromme is up for parole soon. You should keep a good thought.

Tristan: Well, I actually thought you'd like to go with me.

Rory: You did not.

Tristan: I did too.

Rory: You did not because you are not stupid.

Tristan: Why thank you.

Rory: Slimy and weasely, yes, but stupid, no. You'd have to be stupid to think that, given our history, I would ever, barring a piano or a safe falling on my head, want to go anywhere with you, ever.

Tristan: Ok, fine. I'll take Cissy.

Rory: I'll send her a condolence card.

Tristan: Yeah. Well at least she won't be buying her own ticket.

-"Rory's Dance"

73-Michel: I feel like crap on toast.

74-Lorelai: How does Charlie Rose screw up your REM sleep?

Luke: Because he's always got some guy on pushing a book about how everything's all going to hell, or they're going to pass a law, how everyone with a nose ring is going to get shipped off to China. Suddenly you're depressed, thinking we're all going to die and don't drink the water, there's anthrax in my bagel - and bam, there goes your REM sleep.

Lorelai: Or Mel Brooks is on, and he is so funny, and you think, "What a wonderful world we live in, that there's a Mel Brooks to go to sleep to."

Luke: Mel Brooks is never on Charlie Rose, and when he is on he's talking about Nazis, and then you go to sleep and you dream about Nazis and they all look like Nathan Lane, and you're creeped out for days.

75-[Lorelai has had to throw Emily an impromptu bachelorette party and invited all the women from Stars Hollow. Emily is now drunk]

Miss Patty: So, Emily, tell us about this party of yours tomorrow.

Emily: It's going to be fabulous. Isn't it, Lorelai?

Lorelai: Ab fab, sweetie darling.

Emily: Isn't she hilarious? I never have any idea what she's talking about, but she's so entertaining! Like a chimp. Isn't she like a chimp, Gypsy?

Gypsy: Please make your mother stop talking to me.

Lorelai: If only I had that power.

-"Wedding Bell Blues"

76-[At Richard and Emily's vow-renewal ceremony]

Lorelai: Oh, Marilyn, this is Luke. Luke, this is my cousin Marilyn.

Luke: Nice to meet you.

Marilyn: You, too.

[pulls Lorelai aside]

Marilyn: Is he a gardener?

Lorelai: Um, no, he owns a diner.

Marilyn: Oh, I've always wanted to have an affair with a gardener. Apparently that's very 'in' now.

-"Wedding Bell Blues"

77-Luke: Get out, Taylor.

Taylor: Why?

Luke: It's just a code I live by.

78-Emily: Obviously you have a maid.

Christopher: Yes, I have a maid-nanny combo.

Emily: Ah, how McDonald's of you.

-"Come Home"

79-[Jess is eating a sandwich at the dance marathon and Mrs. Kim walks up to him]

Mrs. Kim: Who are you?

Jess: I'm Jess... ma'am.

80-Lorelai: [reading a story on the back of a menu] Four hours later... Sniffy was dead. Sniffy was dead? Are you serious? Where's the happy ending?

Luke: That's what happened.

Lorelai: Well, people don't read the back of the menu to find out what really happened. They read the back of the menu to be happy. To be uplifted. That's why they read the back of the menu!

81-Luke: [alarm goes off] Sorry, I forgot to turn the alarm off.

Lorelai: Bad alarm. Bad, bad alarm.

[pause]

Lorelai: What time is it?

Luke: Early.

Lorelai: Hate early. Must kill early.

[pause]

Lorelai: Okay, gotta get up.

Luke: Why?

Lorelai: Work. Inn. Buy shoes. Oh, my God, I can't move. I need coffee.

82-Luke: [about Lorelei walking into the diner wearing only Luke's shirt] You wear crazy outfits all the time.

Lorelai: They usually include pants!

83-Lorelai: [after talking to her mother on her cell phone] Your fault.

Luke: How is that my fault?

Lorelai: Because you preoccupied me with all your yammering about the meeting so I wasn't thinking and I didn't check to see who was calling before I answered! Boy, it's nice to finally have someone to blame.

84-Lorelai: Mom, it's just a pretend wedding. J-Lo has them all the time.

-Wedding Bell Blues"

85-Lorelai: [at the town meeting, when everyone is talking about the bad things that Jess has done] I hear he controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter!

86-Colin: I'm Colin. And this is Finn. And you are?

Lorelai: Her mother.

Finn: My God, those are good genes.

87-Rory: [talking about Paris] Can you say crazy anal micromanager?

Lorelai: Not five times fast.

88-Lorelai: Oh, you're gonna have to walk faster than that. You're gonna have to turn into friggin' Flo Jo to get away from me.

89-Lorelai: Can I use the fun cutter thingy?

Luke: Not if you call it the fun cutter thingy.

Lorelai: Please?

Luke: Cut the boxes, not your hands.

Lorelai: Good tip, you should teach!

90-Lorelai: My shoe broke! I need you to fix it!

Luke: Do I look like a cobbler to you?

Lorelai: If I say yes, will you fix it?

-"They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They?"

91-Taylor: [Luke won't give out free coffee at the dance marathon] You would knock the crutch out from under Tiny Tim, wouldn't you?

Luke: If he asked for a free cup of coffee, Gimpy's goin' down.

-"They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They"

92-[Lorelai answers her cell phone]

Lorelai: Hello?

Emily: You get over here right now!

Lorelai: Who is this?

Emily: This is you in twenty years! "Who is this?" I swear!

93-Lorelai: [talking to Rory on the phone] "School comes before mommy's mental health."

94-Paris: Well, the worst that can happen is that I spend some time in your town and suddenly have an urge to enter a pie in the county fair.

95-Madline: Paris has gone bye-bye.

96-[regarding Lorelai's birthday party]

Rory: Oh, I'm sorry. You wanted a party? I told everyone you didn't want to make a big deal out of your birthday this year.

Lorelai: You're not funny.

Rory: Ms. Patty and Babette wanted to hire these two hot guys to carry you around all day and feed you Bon-Bons, and Kirk wanted to hire the Red Hot Chili Peppers to play a concert in the square, but I said "Hey, please, respect the lady's wishes. She deserves that at her age.'"

Lorelai: Why are you so cruel to mama?

Rory: I have to go.

Lorelai: Where?

Rory: None of your business.

Lorelai: You are planning something for Friday night, aren't you?

Rory: I'll bring back Chinese for dinner.

Lorelai: And you tell people, no matter what they say, I just couldn't accept a new car. It would be beneath me and I would be completely humiliated. And a convertible would just make me fling myself off a building!

Rory: Bye.

-"Happy Birthday, Baby"

97-Luke: It's the kind of lock burglars look for.

Lorelai: Why do burglars look for that lock?

Luke: Because it's easy to break into. I proved that.

Lorelai: You proved that by ... ?

Luke: Breaking in through the back door.

98-Jess: So we just sit on a bench or stare at our shoes.

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

99-Dean: I thought you were interested, but I see you're not. I get the message and I am going to leave you alone.

[He starts to walk away, Rory goes after him]

Rory: Wait I'm interested, bye.

[runs away]

-"Cinnamon's Wake"

100-Paris: Maybe I shouldn't go. I mean, what if I fall for him and he doesn't like me?

Rory: Then you'll find someone else.

Paris: But what if there is no one else?

Rory: Then you'll buy some cats.

101-Lorelai: It's not funny, it's bad. I have to see this guy. He works at every business in town, I can't get away from him.

Rory: Well, then you should marry him and move in with his mother.

102-Rory: So, is this party Grandma's having going to be a big deal?

Lorelai: Not really. The government will close that day. Flags will fly at half-mast. Barbra Streisand will give her final concert... again.

Rory: Uh-huh.

Lorelai: Now, the Pope has previous plans, but he's trying to get out of them. However, Elvis and Jim Morrison are coming and they're bringing chips.

-"Rory's Birthday Parties"

103-Emily: You were on the phone?

Richard: Long distance.

Lorelai: God?

Richard: London.

Lorelai: God lives in London?

Richard: My mother lives in London.

Lorelai: Your mother is God?

Richard: Lorelai...

Lorelai: So, God is a woman.

Richard: Lorelai.

Lorelai: And a relative. That's so cool. I'm gonna totally ask for favors.

Richard: Make her stop.

Rory: Oh, that I could.

104-Michel: Look, I've had my peace with the fact that everyone who calls here is a notch above brain dead, and that the pennies I am thrown each week are in exchange for me dealing with these people in a nonviolent manner. And usually that is fine, but today, sorry lady, I have ennui.

105-Rory: Mom?

Lorelai: Oh.

Rory: You're happy.

Lorelai: Yeah.

Rory: Did you do something slutty?

Lorelai: I'm not that happy.

106-[about new school]

Rory: One of the girls already hates me. The guys are weird.

Lorelai: Weirder than other guys?

Rory: Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.

Lorelai: You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that.

Rory: Why? What does it mean?

Lorelai: It means like, Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.

Rory: You're kidding.

Lorelai: No.

Rory: Well what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?

Lorelai: Well, they might have added a Magdalene to it.

Rory: Wow. Biblical insults. This is an advanced school.

107-Lorelai: I really like him, Rory. I can't help it. And it's been a really long time since I've felt like this. You can't always control who you're attracted to, you know. I think the whole Angelina Jolie/Billy Bob Thorton thing really proves that

108-Lorelai: [to Rory] I have to know where you are at all times, especially when you have my shoes on.

109-Rory: So how was it seeing Max last night?

Lorelai: Well...

Rory: No gory details.

Lorelai: Like I've ever shared that part of my relationship with you.

Rory: You've alluded, you've insinuated, you have tiptoed to the brink of impropriety.

Lorelai: Hm, that Chilton has taught you some big words.

Rory: That's kind of the point.

110-Rory: Okay, I think we just found the first room in the history of the world that would've made Liberace say 'Whoa. Step back. No one's that gay.'

Lorelai: I have earned the right not to be quizzed about my social life by my sixteen-year-old daughter.

Rory: I thought I was your best friend.

Lorelai: When we're at a U2 concert, you are my best friend. But right now you are my sixteen-year-old daughter and I am telling you I do not want to have this conversation.

111-Lorelai: I swear, there is nothing in the world my mother is better at than getting someone to agree to something that in any other universe, they would never ever consider.

Rory: Mom.

Lorelai: I am still convinced she had something to do with Lily Tomlin doing that movie with John Travolta.

112-Lorelai: Hey Mom. You didn't make it back to the room last night. Did you get lucky?

Emily: Could you be any cruder?

Lorelai: Yeah, I can be cruder. Hey mom, did you get la...

Rory: Thanks for coming. It was fun. Is everything okay?

-"The Bracebridge Dinner"

113-Rory: I'll tell all the ladies what a stud you are.

Michel: I believe that memo has already been sent.

114-Luke: Rory's not here yet.

Lorelai: Then you'll have to entertain me until she arrives. Okay Burger boy, dance.

Luke: Will you marry me?

[Lorelai is taken aback]

Luke: Just looking for something to shut you up.

115-Sookie: What's going on?

Lorelai: Michel's gonna live forever.

Sookie: Like the kids from 'Fame'?

Lorelai: That's what I said.

116-Lorelai: Someone hit you with a pretty stick.

-"Rory's Dance"

117-Lorelai: Hey, I'm studying in there...

Rory: I know.

Lorelai: Yeah. I have, like, 6,000 pages of case studies to memorize and this whole big test on the Wal-Mart phenomena coming up on Friday and because I have a life and a job and business school's not the only thing I have to concentrate on I'm behind, and I'll probably fail and then that little 18-year-old annoying gnat who sits behind me will get another 'A' and make that 'I'm smart you're dumb' fact to me for the rest of the week and I'll be very upset and will possibly cry.

Rory: The music's too loud.

Lorelai: Yes.

118-Lorelai: Hey, I have kind of a crazy idea.

Rory: Those are never comforting words coming from you.

119-Lorelai: Hey, you didn't wake me up.

Rory: I set the clock.

Lorelai: Yes, but see, the clock stops ringing once I throw it against the wall giving me ample time to fall back to sleep. You, however, never stop yapping no matter how hard I throw you, thus insuring the wake up process.

120-Lorelai: I'm gonna have pancakes with a side of pancakes.

121-Rory: So you did read this before.

Jess: Yeah, about 40 times.

Rory: I thought you said you didn't read much.

Jess: What is much?

122-Lorelai: Hey, you know what I just realized? "Oy" is the funniest word in the entire world.

Rory: Hmm.

Lorelai: I mean think about it, you never hear the word "oy" and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.

Emily: Oh dear God.

Lorelai: "Poodle" is another funny word.

Emily: Please drink your drink, Lorelai.

Lorelai: In fact, if you put "oy" and "poodle" together, in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catchphrase, you know? Like, "Oy with the poodles already."

Rory: Hehe.

Lorelai: So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catchphrase:

Rory: Oy with the poodles already.

Lorelai: I'm telling you, it's knocking "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" right out of first place.

123-Lorelai: Scooch down now and go to sleep.

[she moves Rory's armchair]

Rory: What are you doing?

Lorelai: Nothing, just a little feng shui, go to sleep.

Rory: Mom, you don't have to sleep in here tonight.

Lorelai: I know, I just think the chair looks nice here.

Rory: And what's the blanket for?

Lorelai: In case the chair gets cold.

Rory: And the pillow?

Lorelai: To keep the blanket company.

Rory: Uh-huh.

Lorelai: Okay, everything's in its place. Chair seems warm, blanket seems happy, just one thing missing... oh yeah.

[sits down in chair]

Lorelai: Goodnight.

Rory: Freak of sideshow proportions.

Lorelai: I love you, too.

Rory: Mom?

Lorelai: Hmm?

Rory: I'm sorry.

Lorelai: Shh, the chair is trying to sleep.

-"Teach Me Tonight"

124-Lorelai: That's the last time I buy anything just because it's furry.

125-Jess: Yeah women right, can't live with 'em can't stop them from jumping in closets... go figure.

126-Rory: Yeah, as obvious as a man wearing sunglass with a dog selling pencils...

127-Lorelai: I miss Max.

Rory: I know.

Lorelai: I had a dream about him the other night.

Rory: Really? Dirty?

Lorelai: No. Absolutely not. And when you're 21, I'll tell you the real answer.

128-Rory: So, Grandpa, how's the insurance biz?

Richard: Oh, people die, we pay. People crash, we pay. People lose a foot, we pay.

Lorelai: Well, at least you have your new slogan.

129-Luke: I'm different, I'm a loner.

Lorelai: Oh no. No no. I don't want to hear about the romance of being a loner.

Luke: Some guys are just naturally loners.

Lorelai: Yes, lonely guys.

Luke: Independent guys.

Lorelai: Sad guys.

Luke: Maverick guys.

Lorelai: Lee Harvey Oswald.

Luke: John Muir.

Lorelai: The unabomber.

Luke: Henry David Thoreau

Lorelai: Every one of these sad and lonely guys.

130-Christopher: This town is like one big outpatient mental institution.

131-Jess: You didn't answer me.

Rory: About what?

Jess: Did you call me at all?

Rory: No.

Jess: Did you send me a letter?

Rory: No.

Jess: Postcard?

Rory: No.

Jess: Smoke signal?

Rory: Stop.

Jess: A nice fruit basket?

Rory: Enough.

-"Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days"

132-Jackson: I think we should get married.

Sookie: But - uh, but...

Jackson: Soon.

Sookie: Are you pregnant?

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

133-Jess: Hey, if you're going to get all Ward Cleaver on me, I'm gonna have to call Eddie and Lumpy and tell I'm gonna be late.

Luke: Shut up for a minute, will ya?

134-Luke: Taylor, no, no, no, no, and every day from now on 'til the end of my life, I am gonna come in here and say, "Taylor, no." And when I die, I'm gonna have them freeze me next to Ted Williams, and when they find the cure to what I died of and they unfreeze me, my first words are gonna be, "How's Ted?" followed closely by, "Taylor, no."

135-Jess: Why are you running so fast?

Rory: Well our president says to exercise and I'm very patriotic.

-"Eight O'Clock at the Oasis"

136-Lorelai: Okay, so, don't wait up and remember only 2 or 3 crack heads at the most, they eat all the good cereal.

137-Lorelai: Let's invite everyone.

Sookie: Everyone who?

Lorelai: Everyone, everyone.

Sookie: [gasps] Everyone, everyone who?

-"The Bracebridge Dinner"

138-Jess: Someone Devil-egged my car?

-"Take The Deviled Eggs"

139-Lorelai: What, did you break into our house, you got all dressed in black and pulled a Mission: Impossible?

Jess: Actually, I came down the chimney and pulled a Santa Claus.

Lorelai: Very funny.

Jess: Thought a ridiculous accusation deserved a ridiculous response.

-"Lost and Found"

140-Luke: I just spent a hundred thousand dollars and it's all your fault.

Lorelai: Oh, good.

-"Lost and Found"

141-Luke: When did that become acceptable? In the old days, a woman would never consider doing that in public. They'd go find a barn or a cave or something. I mean, it's indecent. This is a diner not a peep show.

142-Lorelai: You ruined my joke.

Rory: Um, no, the punch line ruined your joke.

143-Luke: You go make her stop.

Lorelai: I'm not going over there.

Luke: Why not? You're a woman.

Lorelai: So what?

Luke: So you have the same parts.

Lorelai: What?

Luke: You shouldn't be scared of it.

Lorelai: Scared of it? You know, you're gonna be a bachelor for a really long time. (Jess comes down the stairs)

Jess: Oh… uh! (Quickly turns around and heads back up the stairs)

Luke: Then again totally worth it!

144-Rory: Agh, my shoes.

Lorelai: You don't need shoes. In my day, we walked twenty miles in the snow just to get to our shoes.

145-Luke: Maybe one place wasn't so bad.

Lorelai: Oh good, describe it to me.

Luke: I don't know. It had walls with a kind of a floor with a light.

Lorelai: Okay, hold on here, mister. If you tell me it's got a roof, I'm stealing that baby out from under you.

-"Lost and Found"

146-Rory: You have nothing better to do all day, then sit around and watch a dance marathon?

Jess: I don't know

[looks at Dean and directs his question to him]

Jess: Do you have anything better to do all day, then sit around and watch a dance marathon?

-"They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They"

147-Rory: I am dancing, I can not control where my glance goes, and when I can control it, my glance goes to Dean.

Jess: You mean you can't control when you look at me, but you have to force yourself to look at him.

[talk to Dean]

Jess: Sorry man that's cold.

-"They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They"

148-Lorelai: No, Mom, I'm shopping for Rory. You're shopping for your imaginary granddaughter, Barbara Hutton.

149-Rory: The sandwiches are for the dancers.

Jess: I'm dancing on the inside.

-"They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They"

150-Jess: I'm just trying to support my town.

Rory: Good, then go back to New York.

Jess: Ooh, zing I've been snapped.

151-Lorelai: Be good. Ooh. Make sure you look in somebody's sock drawers. Rich people have hilarious sock drawers.

152-[Advice for Rory to answer the phone]

Lorelai: If it's Mick Jagger, run away and ring the bell I gave you.

153-Jackson: The rate I have children is between me and Sookie.

Luke: And the lord,

[Lorelai gives him a look]

Luke: still not helping?

Jackson: I'm going home.

Sookie: What about the contest?

Jackson: To hell with the contest, I'm leaving as long as it's all right with Lorelai and Luke and that strange man in the corner who I never met before. Hello strange man in the corner is it okay if I quit this contest.

-"They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They"

154-Luke: Red meat kills, enjoy.

155-Lorelai: You saved me, I love you, I want to have your baby... Oops too late.

156-Tristan: He likes me.

Rory: He's drunk.

-"Rory's Birthday Parties"

157-[Sookie is getting ready to go on her first date with Jackson]

Sookie: I'm scared.

Lorelai: I know.

Sookie: I like him.

Lorelai: He likes you.

Sookie: How do you know he's not being polite?

Lorelai: Sookie!

Sookie: No, I mean it. It's like I cornered him and he felt trapped and he had to say yes.

Lorelai: He did not have to say yes.

Sookie: Oh my God. Technically, I am his employer.

Lorelai: Sookie!

Sookie: I am. I buy his wares. His livelihood depends on me.

Lorelai: Sookie!

Sookie: Oh! I'm a sexual harasser!

Lorelai: Well, then you need some false eyelashes.

Sookie: This isn't funny. I am now desperate, lonely and a criminal.

158-Rory: Poor Dean.

Lorelai: Poor Dean, he has to spend one evening with him. I share chromosomes with the guy.

159-Luke: How about that one?

Lorelai: Too pale. Pale means sickly.

Luke: Or sunscreen.

Lorelai: Or mad cow disease.

Luke: Pale does not mean mad cow disease.

Lorelai: Have you ever had mad cow disease?

Luke: Twice last week and my coloring was great.

160-Paris: For example, I can instantly deduce that when someone hears the name Paris in the same sentence with the word date, jaws will drop, confused looks will cover faces, words like 'how' and 'why' and 'Quick, Bob, get the children in the minivan because the world is obviously coming to an end.' will immediately fly out of people's mouths.

-"Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days"

161-Paris: I can't do this.

Rory: What?

Paris: Date. I can't date. I'm not genetically set up for it.

Rory: Not true.

Paris: I get no pleasure out of the prospect or the preparation. I'm covered in hives, I've showered four times, and for what? Some guy who doesn't even have the brains to buy a Zagat so we don't wind up in a restaurant that's really just a front for a cocaine laundering ring?

-"Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days"

162-Lorelai: Oh, but I got here early and there was nothing to do except feed gummy bears to the bomb-sniffing dogs which, apparently, the United States government frowns upon.

Rory: You got in trouble with the government while you were waiting for me?

Lorelai: Just a little.

Rory: How much is a little?

Lorelai: Learn Russian.

-"Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days"

163-Lorelai: Okay, I'm lying in bed and I'm sleeping and I'm wearing this fabulous nightgown, and like thirty alarm clocks go off, and so I get out of bed and I walk downstairs, and there, standing is the kitchen, is Luke.

Rory: Was he naked?

Lorelai: No. He was making breakfast.

Rory: Naked?

Lorelai: Ok, you have been in Washington for way too long.

-"Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days"

164-Lorelai: Kirk asked me out.

Rory: Shut up!

Lorelai: Yesterday.

Rory: That's so sweet!

Lorelai: Rory!

Rory: What are you gonna wear? Ooh, you should wear your dress with the ponies on it, I bet likes ponies.

Lorelai: You're not serious.

Rory: I bet you'll have a good time.

Lorelai: "Hello headmaster Charleston, this is my stepdad, Kirk. Try not to make any sudden movements, he's a fear biter!"

Rory: OK, so how are you gonna let him down?

166-Lorelai: There goes my little girl, off to rule the world!

Rory: Paris will be ruling the world; I will be holding the keys.

Lorelai: Wow, you're pretty, you're smart. Now all you need as a drunken relative behind the scenes embarrassing you with every move they make.

Rory: Will you get on that?

Lorelai: I'm two steps ahead of you.

167-Jess's New Girlfriend: Hi.

Jess: Hi.

[they kiss]

Jess's New Girlfriend: So?

Jess: One sec.

Jess's New Girlfriend: Jess!

Jess: Relax!

[closes his book, turns to Luke]

Jess: I'm out!

Rory: Ladies and gentlemen, an entire conversation in one word sentences.

Dean: [walks into Luke's] OK, don't hate me, but I already ate breakfast.

Lorelai: See, nice, full sentences.

Dean: What?

Rory: Don't ruin it.

Dean: OK...

168-Michel: And you must always be extremely careful of your paddle movements.

Lorelai: Well, that certainly calls for a "Dirty."

169-Michel: Mm, how's your arm raise? Good?

Lorelai: Pretty good.

Michel: Ah, I have an excellent arm raise.

Lorelai: That's what it says on the bathroom wall.

170-Lorelai: I think I have gangrene.

Rory: You do not.

Lorelai: And vertigo.

Rory: Oh boy.

Lorelai: And one leg suddenly feels shorter than the other.

Rory: This is gonna be the Vanity Fair paper cut incident all over again, isn't it?

-"Haunted Leg"

171-Luke: Ow.

Lorelai: Luke, are you okay?

Luke: Stupid box. Stupid lamp.

Lorelai: Hey Luke, are you being attacked by your possessions again?

172-Rory: ...I want you to come over here to this dresser, open up the top drawer and take out everything that you'd be embarrassed to be wearing during a car accident. Meet me downstairs. Move.

-"Concert Interruptus"

173-Lorelai: I thought inviting those girls out would make things easier for you at school.

Rory: Yeah, well I've always thought 'easy' is completely overrated.

Lorelai: Oh, that's my twisted girl.

-"Concert Interruptus"

174-Emily: I did not steal your father I simply gave him a choice.

Richard: When you came to my fraternity in that blue dress, I had no choice.

Lorelai: You stole my father with fashion.

Emily: I can't believe you remember the dress.

Lorelai: I can't believe you were the other woman.

175-Richard: If my wife wants the first cup of tea, she is going to get the first cup of tea.

-"Eight O'Clock at the Oasis"

176-Richard: I'm playing golf with Payton's father today.

Lorelai: Okay... wear sunscreen.

-"Eight O'Clock at the Oasis"

177-Rory: I can't even open my eyes.

Lorelai: That's okay, there's nothing to see. Kirk's in a Speedo, Taylor's in a skirt, Al's in assless chaps.

Rory: Oh my God, stop. I'm never gonna be able to close my eyes again.

-"They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They"

178-Paris: You lost my number?

Jamie: Nope, I memorized your number.

Paris: You didn't wanna use my number?

Jamie: I was starting classes.

Paris: In phone dialing? How's it going?

179-Luke: Very romantic.

Lorelai: Says the man who yelled "Finally." at the end of Love Story.

180-Jess: Hi.

Rory: Hey.

Jess: Hi.

Lorelai: Hi.

Jess: Hi.

Luke: Hi.

Rory: I have to get to school.

Jess: Yeah, me too.

Rory: Bye

Jess: Bye. Bye.

Lorelai: Bye.

Rory: Bye.

Lorelai: Bye.

Rory: Bye.

Luke: Bye.

[Jess and Rory leave]

Luke: What the hell was that?

Lorelai: That was episode one of Rory and Jess: The Early Years.

-"Let the Games Begin"

181-Lorelai: Rory, we're home.

Richard: Lorelai, you really should think about...

Lorelai: Rory, for the love of God be home.

-"Richard in Stars Hollow"

182-Lorelai: Please do not tell me that you are sitting right in front of me.

Emily: No, it's a hologram. Life like, isn't it?

183-Kirk: I aspire to be as great as Kirosawa.

Lorelai: Ah, Seven Samarai.

Kirk: What?

Lorelai: Seven Samarai. It's a great Japanese movie directed by Kirosawa.

Kirk: No, excuse me, I'm sorry, did I say Kirosawa? I meant Akiba Sawa.

Lorelai: The guy who directed all those episodes of The Facts of Life.

-"Teach Me Tonight"

184-[regarding Kirk]

Rory: He was always a cat person. He just never had a cat.

185-Jess: [to Rory] So are we gonna sing School House rock songs?

-"Teach Me Tonight"

186-Luke: This is Liz's kid, Jess. Jess, this is Mia, Lorelai's boss, she owns the Independence Inn

Mia: Hello.

Jess: Hmmph.

Luke: That's "Hello, nice to meet you." in slacker.

187-Mia: The town had a fake murder?

Lorelai: Yes, because the town is too dull to have a real murder.

188-Luke: Well, Taylor, I'm a two inch kinda guy.

189-Principal: ...And five hundred baseballs have suddenly come up missing.

Luke: Jess, didn't take them, I swear. He has no use for baseballs.

Principal: [gives Luke the look]

Luke: I'll check when I get home.

190-Luke: Jess, you can't just shove a girl in a closet.

Jess: She got in voluntarily.

191-Rory: [to Lorelai] This from a woman with a Hello Kitty waffle iron.

192-[Doorbell rings]

Lorelai: Who the hell rings a doorbell at a party? Bring your ass in here.

[Richard and Emily come in]

Lorelai: Or in this case, bring your asses in here.

-"Rory's Birthday Parties"

193-Richard: I'm going to call that man.

Alan: Richard, it's past midnight in London.

Richard: Even better.

194-Lorelai: I don't hate you.

Dean: No?

Lorelai: No, though I did imagine at least 20 different ways to remove your head from your body.

Dean: Really? Which one looked the best?

Lorelai: Hedge clippers. Really dull ones.

Dean: No, you wouldn't want it to go quick, would you?

-"Kiss and Tell"

195-Luke: The truth hurts

Lorelai: No, you know what hurts. Having a screwdriver jammed in the side of your head.

196-Rory: Not fair.

Lorelai: Yes fair. The fairest. The Snow White of fair.

197-Rory: Where's mom?

Luke: Looking for coffee.

Rory: What are you doing?

Luke: Looking at my shoes.

Rory: Okay... carry on.

198-Lorelai: It's not my fault that yes and Jess rhyme.

199-Emily: I'm sure he would have appreciated having his life's work honored like that

Luke: He would've called me a damn fool

Emily: Oh.

200-Dean: We sat down and started reading a book and we fell asleep.

Lorelai: Well, pick a more interesting book next time.

-"Rory's Dance"

201-Rory: [to Lorelai] What am I doing? I'm ranting. You should recognize this, I learned it from you.

202-Emily: Lorelai, you almost ran me over.

Lorelai: Well, good thing we're in a hospital.

-"Forgiveness and Stuff"

203-Richard: How's he supposed to... after being out all night with some cheap tramp?

Alan: Knowing Henry, she wasn't cheap.

204-[many alarm clocks go off]

Lorelai: You are Hilarious.

[Going down the stairs]

Lorelai: Okay, see, last night when I said to you: 'Tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I get up at seven', what I actually meant was: 'tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I have the option of getting up seven, in case, when seven comes, I actually wanna get up. Which, as it happen, I didn't. Therefore, you're currently responsible for the great alarm clock slaughter of 2002.

Luke: No survivor?

Lorelai: The one shaped like a bunny escaped with a mild decapitation.

-"Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days"

205-Lorelai: I do know that Istanbul is Constantinople. So, if you have a date in Constantinople, she'll be waiting in Istanbul.

206-Lorelai: My life stinks. Hey, let's look into each other's eyes and say "I wish I were you" at exactly the same time - maybe we'll pull a Freaky Friday.

Rory: Or we can just pretend that we did and you can go around acting really immature. Oh, wait...

Lorelai: I can't believe you won't switch bodies with me.

Rory: Forget it. Then I'd have to date Kirk.

207-Rory: Mom, you're freaking out.

Lorelai: Yes, I'm freaking out.

Rory: Well, you can't freak out, I'm freaking out.

208-Reverend: The church is exempt from your town statutes, Taylor.

Rabbi: We answer to a higher authority... like the hot dog.

Reverend: I laugh every time you say that.

Rabbi: I know. Funny is funny.

Taylor: Well, I can guarantee that God does not want this either.

Reverend: Did you hear that, David? Taylor Doose is in direct communication with God.

Rabbi: Thirty years I'm working for God, I haven't received so much as a card.

Reverend: Is it by phone that you speak with him, Taylor?

Rabbi: Do you have a God phone, Taylor?

Taylor: Rabbi, please.

Reverend: What's he like? For us common folk who've never met him?

Rabbi: Is he short, is he tall?

Reverend: Does he like to laugh?

Rabbi: Is the whole shellfish thing really serious? Because, I gotta tell you, some of these Red Lobster commercials...

209-Luke: You're gonna need a hospital, Taylor.

Lorelai: Hit him.

Rory: Which one?

Lorelai: Either one, I'm easy.

210-Rory: How do you feel?

Lorelai: I ate tofurkey. How do you think I feel?

Rory: Tofurkier.

-"A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving"

211-Jess: Romeo and Juliet had warring families and they still managed to do a little damage, you know?

Luke: Well, as soon as I catch you in a pair of tights, I'll get worried.

212-Lorelai: All those Stars Hollow moms looked alike, except for Lane's mom and that one mom with the freaky glass eye that never moved.

213-Emily: I'm surprised you can eat at this point, even salad.

Rory: There's still room.

Lorelai: And if there isn't room, we'll add on. I know a good contractor.

Claude: She's like your Jerry Lewis. She's very, very funny.

-"A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving"

214-Lorelai: Great, fine, do what you want. I guess I'm just out the thousand-dollar deposit.

Luke: What deposit?

Lorelai: For the room.

Luke: What room?

Lorelai: For the thing, for the afterwards thing...

Luke: Oh, wait, now, you're talking crazy talk trying to confuse me, aren't you?

Lorelai: Aren't you?

Luke: What?

Lorelai: Who?

215-[Jess' new car]

Luke: He paid you for it, right?

Gypsy: Nothing's free at Gypsy's.

Luke: And he paid cash?

Gypsy: Mostly twenties.

Luke: Did you make sure Andrew Jackson was on the bills, not Alfred E. Newman or someone?

Gypsy: Looked real to me.

Luke: Well, when he took the money out of wherever he had it, did a mask or a gun fall out?

Gypsy: No, but he was carrying it in a canvas bag with a big dollar sign on it.

Luke: Really?

Gypsy: No.

Luke: Good.

Gypsy: Guys are stupid.

216-Lorelai: Hey, maybe that's the Town Loner's point. That, like, he's protesting man's inability to communicate by not communicating and getting us all to talk about communication.

Rory: Whoa, you are blowin' my mind here.

217-Luke: Uh, listen, I just want you to know that I had a little talk with Jess earlier.

Lorelai: You did?

Luke: Yes, I did, and I really laid down the rules concerning him and Rory. Trust me, he now knows that I am going to be watching them every second they are together.

Lorelai: Oh good.

Luke: Yup.

Lorelai: You know, they're together now.

Luke: What?

Lorelai: Oh yeah. 'I have to get a part for my car', 'I'm going to go study' - that's kid code for 'Meet me at the previously agreed upon location far away from my clueless uncle.'

Luke: You're kidding me, right? You don't really think that... damn, they are. They're together. They used the kid code and now they're together.

218-[about the Town Loner]

Luke: What's he carrying?

Miss Patty: Something all rolled up.

Taylor: Probably a body.

Rory: It looks heavy, too.

Lorelai: Well, bodies are heavy.

Taylor: That's not funny.

-"Take the Deviled Eggs"

219-Lorelai: Hey, what do you know about this town loner guy?

Luke: Same as everyone. Just kind of skulks around with that backpack, never smiles.

Lorelai: Does he also make cheeseburgers and secretly harbor a desire to wear a backwards baseball cap?

Luke: What?

Lorelai: [sings] They're cousins, identical cousins...

Luke: Stop it.

-"Take the Deviled Eggs"

220-Luke: Shouldn't we give thanks first?

Jess: Thanks for what?

Luke: Well, that we're not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for smallpox infested blankets.

Lorelai: Amen.

-"A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving"

221-Lorelai: [to Luke] I've seen you swimming at the lake so I've seen you with your shirt off.

Jess: Lately? 'Cause he's really let himself go.

222-Rory: Oh, look, babies.

Lorelai: I never wanna hear that come out of your mouth again.

223-[Lorelai pulls a shirt from Luke's closet]

Lorelai: Oh my God.

Luke: What?

Lorelai: Jimmy Buffett?

Luke: Put that back.

Lorelai: You like Jimmy Buffett? He's so mellow.

Luke: I've just been to a few shows, that's all.

Lorelai: A few shows? Oh my God, you're a Buffetthead.

Luke: Is that the one you want me to wear or not?

Lorelai: Sing Margaritaville.

Luke: No.

Jess: That attitude's gonna lose you that toy.

Luke: Stay outta this.

224-Rory: Run around the block.

Lane: Why?

Rory: I don't know.

Lane: Good enough for me.

225-Lorelai: You're my favorite daughter.

Rory: You say that to all your daughters.

Lorelai: Yes, I do, but I only mean it with you.

226-Rory: Dean... Dean, what are you doing here?

Dean: I'm leaving.

Rory: Don't go!

Dean: I shouldn't have come...

Rory: No, wait!

Dean: I feel like an idiot.

Rory: Why?

Dean: Because I come all the way out here and then I see you with him. That's just great!

Rory: No, Tristan was just...

Dean: I don't care.

Rory: No, listen...

Dean: He's got your books, Rory!

Rory: Please, just tell me why you're here.

Dean: I don't even know...

Rory: Yes, you do!

Dean: Because I thought that you? Oh, forget it.

Rory: No.

Dean: I thought you were trying to talk to me.

Rory: Oh?

Dean: I mean, you came to my house?

Rory: Oh, no that? that wasn't me.

Dean: It was you.

Rory: It must have been someone that looked like me...

Dean: My sister recognized you from the pictures in my box.

Rory: What box?

Dean: The box I have of us, pictures and letters from you and everything...

Rory: You have a Rory box?

Dean: And what was going on at that town meeting, all that stuff about writing a song?

Rory: I don't know what I was talking about...

Dean: And it had nothing to do with me?... Well, I must have imagined it all, then. Your boyfriend is waiting.

Rory: He's not my boyfriend, I hate him!

Dean: Whatever.

Rory: Dean!

Dean: What?

Rory: Stop!

Dean: Why?

Rory: Because I love you, you idiot!

-"P.S. I Lo…"

227-[Emily's friend 'Sweetie' has just passed away]

Lorelai: Was that her real name - Sweetie?

Emily: No, her name was Melinda. Sweetie was a nickname.

Lorelai: Why?

Emily: What do you mean, why?

Lorelai: I mean, how did they get Sweetie from Melinda?

Emily: They didn't get Sweetie from Melinda. Sweetie is a nickname.

Lorelai: Yes, I know Sweetie was a nickname, but usually, a nickname comes from a version of your name, or there's a story behind the name or something.

Emily: She was sweet. That's the story.

Lorelai: Okay.

Emily: She had a very sweet nature.

Lorelai: Hmm.

Emily: Well, what kind of story did you want, Lorelai?

Lorelai: No, that's fine. She was sweet. They called her Sweetie. It's a good story.

Emily: No, really. Exactly what kind of story about my recently departed friend would amuse you?

Lorelai: Mom, it's not to amuse me. It's...

Emily: All right, fine. Sweetie's father was a very poor man - so poor that Sweetie and her four siblings all had to sleep in a hollowed-out tree trunk because the house was only big enough for their parents. One winter, there was no food, so Sweetie crawled out of her trunk, wrapped her feet in newspaper, and walked forty miles in the snow to the nearest town, where she stumbled into a candy store. The owner took pity on her and gave her bags of candy, a dill pickle, and drove her back to her family. He promptly offered a job to her father, who gladly accepted and eventually owned that store and turned it into one of the most important candy emporiums in the world. And that is how she got the name Sweetie. There, how was that?

Lorelai: Now, that was a pretty good story.

228-Luke: Thank you for not being related to me.

[Lorelai snickers]

Luke: That came out wrong.

Lorelai: No, I got it.

229-Sookie: No more pork!

Lorelai: Ah, finally, something to put on our business cards!

230-Michel: I don't know if anyone has noticed, but suddenly I am the only one working.

Sookie: You're right, no-one noticed.

231-Lane: How are you doing, Kirk?

Kirk: Great. I'm loving this blackened Cajun bread Luke made for me. I didn't even ask for it.

Lane: It's burnt toast, Kirk. You don't have to eat it.

Kirk: But I'm loving it. And look, I've been mixing black ash with the runny eggs. Goes great with the fishy-tasting bacon.

232-Rory: Hi, I'd like a large caramel macchiato with an extra shot and whipped cream, please.

Coffee vendor: Coming up.

Rory: Wait, hold on, how much is that?

Coffee vendor: $4.85.

Rory: Okay, better drop the extra shot. What does that make it?

Coffee vendor: $4.20.

Rory: Better make it a small. What does that make it?

Coffee vendor: $3.30.

Rory: Better drop the whipped cream, what does that make it?

Coffee vendor: Less calories.

Rory: Just a plain old small coffee, please.

233-Lorelai: You want to devil-egg Jess' car? And how is that gonna make me feel better about Sherry?

Rory: Because it's active. It's aggressive. It's destructive, but not too destructive. I don't know... can you make something up?

Lorelai: Let's do it.

-"Take the Deviled Eggs"

234-Lorelai: Boy, it's cold in here.

Rory: It's a lot colder where you're sitting.

Lorelai: Ugh. She's mad at me.

Rory: Yup.

Lorelai: Think she's gonna be mad at me all night?

Rory: Yup.

Lorelai: I guess I should go in there and talk to her.

Rory: Yup.

Lorelai: You wouldn't wanna go in there and talk to her for me?

Rory: Nope.

Lorelai: Good thing you don't get paid by the word.

Rory: The sooner you get in there, the sooner you get cheese.

Lorelai: Fine.

235-Lorelai: I need you, Dean. The team needs you.

Dean: What team?

Lorelai: Pick a team - it needs you.

-"They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They"

236-Lorelai: Independence inn.

Emily: You really should identify yourself when you answer the phone at work.

Lorelai: Sorry. Independence Inn, major disappointment speaking. Better?

237-Rory: We go. We look. Hi Yale. Bye Yale. It's over. No harm, no foul.

Lorelai: How many more two-word sentences can you come up with?

238-Luke: Oh, really? Hanging socks on doors - that's your idea of funny.

Jess: Depending on the sock design, could be hilarious.

239-Luke: We're out of food.

Lorelai: Oh, please, we're not eating for a year.

Rory: Or 'til tomorrow morning.

Lorelai: Whichever comes first.

-"A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving"

240-Lorelai: Tell me a joke.

Rory: Knock knock.

Lorelai: [giggles] That was a good one.

241-Luke: I gotta get back to stuffing my turkey.

Lorelai: Oh, honey, do you have time to do that and prep your Thanksgiving food?

-"A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving"

242-Emily: Oh my God. There was a bench here.

Richard: They moved it last year.

Emily: I can't believe this.

Lorelai: Me either. What if we wanted to sit down?

243-Rory: Let's just play it cool.

Jess: Hey, I'm Frank at the Sands.

Rory: That's cool.

244-Lorelai: This is amazing chicken, Mom. I mean it, really great.

Emily: Thank you, Lorelai.

Lorelai: It's like super chicken. I bet it could fly. Have you tried tossing it out the window?

245-Rory: She's very up on traffic flow and rush hour and all that.

Lorelai: She's Rand McNally.

Rory: She should do traffic reports on the radio.

Lorelai: Hi, this is Sherry Tinsdale. Looks like there's a tie-up on the boulevard. They appear to be moving every building in Harvard University so now it's just one point three miles from my house. Nice job, guys.

Rory: You're awful.

Lorelai: Oh, and lots of cars stopped at a blue light on Garvey Avenue. Why a blue light? Well, 'cause blue's the new red.

-"Take the Deviled Eggs"

246-Emily: What is that?

Lorelai: It's a paper clip.

Emily: And what do you intend to do with that paper clip?

Lorelai: I intend to carve something really dirty into the bathroom door.

Emily: Lorelai.

Lorelai: What rhymes with Nantucket?

247-Lorelai: We disappointed Luke.

Rory: I didn't think it was possible.

Lorelai: Our powers are greater than we know.

248-Mrs. Kim: Watch it. You break it, you buy it. Ten percent off for cousins, twenty percent off for nephews and nieces.

249-Natalie: [to Lorelai] You have your mother's wit.

Emily: Sometimes I wish she'd give it back.

250-Lorelai: So, I think I'm in touch with the other side.

Rory: The other side of...

Lorelai: The other side!

Rory: With Republicans...?

Lorelai: Lately I've been having these dark premonitions.

Rory: About what?

Luke: [handing Rory and Lorelai their food] Dead cow... and dead cow.

Lorelai: That's weird.

Rory: He's always weird.

Lorelai: No, I mean my premonitions have been about death... about my death.

Rory: I don't want to hear this!

Lorelai: And the thing is, they're all silly.

Rory: What do you mean silly?

Lorelai: In one, I slip on a banana peel and fall into a giant vat of whipped cream.

Rory: Silly and fattening.

Lorelai: In another, a turtle eats me.

Rory: A turtle? How?

Lorelai: Very slowly. There's lots of chewing.

Rory: And in your premonition you didn't run away from what is perhaps the slowest land animal on earth?

Lorelai: His first bite injects me with immobilizing poison.

Rory: Well, you left that part out.

Lorelai: This last one's a little more gory. I'm hunting...

Rory: [interrupts] A favorite Lorelai Gilmore pastime.

Lorelai: ...and my shotgun backfires. My whole face spins around a bunch of times and winds up in the back of my head like Daffy Duck.

Rory: That's the silliest one yet!

Lorelai: Now if that's how I go, you have to promise to move my face back to the front of my head like Daffy did with his beak.

Rory: I should really be writing this down.

Lorelai: You can remember to move my face to the front of my head.

Rory: It depends on what I have going on that week.

251-Lorelai: I'm going to go make out in the coatroom. Don't eat my chicken.

Rory: That's going on your tombstone.

252-Lorelai: Come on, Rory. We'll be going to Friday Nights for the rest of our lives. The rest of our lives. Because my parents will outlive us. The damned can do that.

-"Ballrooms and Biscotti"

253-Michel: Are you sure it wasn't another Michel?

Sookie: You called me! You kept me on the phone for over an hour. I missed the beginning of Queer Eye For the Straight Guy and by the time I got back, they were all gay!

254-Sookie: I should not be a parent.

Lorelai: Sookie. Look at me. There are many people in this world who should not have been parents. Mr. and Mrs. Hitler for example. The Bin Ladens could have watched TV that night. Richard and Emily might have taken a pass at procreating. But... you. No way. You're going to be a great parent.

255-Paris: So do you like your adoptive parents?

Girl in the dorm: Yeah.

Paris: I think it's good to be adopted. If you get sick of them, you just dump this set and go find the originals.

256-Emily: You brought us used dessert?

Lorelai: It's not used. It's leftover.

Emily: How nice. I'll just put it in the kitchen next to my half-empty box of Cheer.

257-Luke: Why can't you respect the rules of my diner?

Lorelai: I do respect the rules of your diner. It's that baseball cap I have issues with.

258-Emily: You have the word "Juicy" on your rear end.

Lorelai: Uh... Well. If I'd known you were coming over, I would have changed.

Emily: Into what? A brassiere with the word "Tasty" on it?

259-Jess: Excuse me Edgar Bergin, I think I'd like Charlie McCarthy to answer now.

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

260-Michel: Yes, this place is impressive, isn't it? I mean, the uniform alone... like working in your jammies. And these head sets, are they not fabulous? Especially when, for example, you're in the bathroom, a place one would normally choose to be alone. Then suddenly... BANG... someone is yakking in your ear. How delightful. You can never get lonely.

Lorelai: I suppose not.

Michel: And the people who work here. A joy. So young, so talented. Some of them are actors in ambitious off-Broadway reviews. They play cockroaches and derelicts, do Shakespeare dressed like punk rockers. It gives me chills just thinking about it.

261-Luke: Look at you. All you need is six dancing penguins and Mary Poppins floating in the corner to bring back two of the worst hours of my childhood.

Taylor: I don't think you had a childhood. I think you came out a bitter, surly killjoy.

262-Rory: Who are the rosary beads for?

Lorelai: They're mine.

Rory: What do you need rosary beads for?

Lorelai: They're cute.

Rory: They're for prayer.

Lorelai: Well, pray they match my blue suit.

Rory: They've just upgraded you to a queen-size bed, jacuzzi tub, junior suite in hell.

-"Ballrooms and Biscotti"

263-Jess: You're having your vertical "From Here To Eternity" moment right in front of the super glue.

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

264-Rory: Please, don't walk away like that.

Dean: Sorry, I'd do a silly walk, but I'm not feeling very John Cleese right now.

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

265-Lorelai: Come on, Rory. We will be going to dinner there next week and every week for the rest of our lives. And I mean the rest of our lives, because my parents will outlive us. The Damned can do that.

-"Ballrooms and Biscotti"

266-Lorelai: Oh man. Smell this.

Rory: What?

Lorelai: I forgot that pillows don't have to smell like feet.

-"Ballrooms and Biscotti"

267-Michel: People are being particularly stupid today. I can't talk to anymore of them.

268-Rory: [when Paris suddenly appears in front of Rory] God, you're like a pop-up book from hell!

269-[after Rory has been arrested for stealing a yacht; she's telling Luke about it]

Lorelai: Rory never even shoplifted. Not a candy bar, not a lipstick. She forgot to return a library book once. And she was so guilty about it that she grounded herself. I mean, can you imagine? She's just sitting there in her bedroom yelling at me, "Now no-one else got to read the Iliad this week because of me!"

-"A House Is Not a Home"

270-Rory: I need you, I need you here, I need you now. I cannot do this alone. I want my mommy and, dammit, I don't care who knows it!

-"The Lorelais' First Day at Yale"

271-Fran: You two look so sad. Would you like a cupcake?

Lorelai: Please.

Sookie: Yeah.

272-Kirk: [Kirk runs into Lukes Diner yelling] My girlfriend's the whore! My girlfriend's the whore!

Lorelai: Oh, great, now I'm not even the town whore.

273-Lorelai: Hey, Luke.

Luke: I'm in bed. I have ten more minutes to sleep. Not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but still, ten minutes is ten minutes. You know what I mean.

Lorelai: Sure, yeah.

Rory: Ten minutes is great.

Luke: And then the phone rings, and it just rings and rings and rings and rings, so I pick it up.

Lorelai: And then hopefully got your hearing checked.

Luke: Can I finish my story?

Lorelai: I'm just saying, that's a lot of rings.

Luke: And on the other end of the phone is someone named John who says he's Kyle's father, and Kyle threw a party last night without permission. And two guys got into a fight and tore the place apart, so John wants me to come down and take a look at the damage and discuss some sort of solution to the problem of the damages. Now, I don't know John, and I certainly don't know Kyle, but I do know someone who would get into a fight at a party and leave the place completely trashed. It's a wild guess, but I think his name rhymes with Tess. So here I am, heading in there to talk to John about Kyle and discuss what is to be done about the Hummel.

Lorelai: The what?

Luke: Exactly.

[walks away]

-"Say Goodnight, Gracie"

274-Emily: I've called several times the past few weeks and you've skillfully avoided every call.

Lorelai: No, that's not true. I've left messages on your machine.

Emily: Yes, messages. And then if I happened to pick up, you'd hang up. Or if the maid picked up, you'd ask for me, then claim you were driving through a tunnel so you might get cut off, and then you'd make garbling noises and hang up.

275-Emily: What can we do in a bathroom?

Lorelai: Meet George Michael.

Emily: What?

276-Lorelai: Have you seen Sookie and Jackson?

Luke: Nope.

Lorelai: I've looked everywhere for them.

Luke: Have you tried the insane asylum where everybody in this room is supposed to be?

-"They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They"

277-Lorelai: How ya doing there, champ?

Rory: Early.

Lorelai: Yes, it's a tad early.

Rory: No sun.

Lorelai: Well, he's not up yet.

-"They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They"

278-Lorelai: God, I'm nervous. Why am I nervous?

Rory: Because you're crazy.

Lorelai: Yes, good, thank you.

279-Lorelai: Lane can't quit the band. She has to get famous and introduce me to Bono.

Rory: I told her that.

Lorelai: All right, let's go eat... see if we can figure out a way to salvage my future as a groupie.

280-Andrew: I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head.

Lorelai: There it is - our new town slogan.

Rory: I like it.

Lorelai: I see coffee mugs, T-shirts.

Rory: Don't forget stuffed shish-kabobbed birds.

Lorelai: That moan when you squeeze 'em.

281-Taylor: Could this meeting be more disrupted?

Lorelai: I could do a soft shoe.

Rory: Yeah, while I pound out a beat on the bongos.

Babette: Ooh, that sounds like fun.

Miss Patty: I got bongos in the back.

282-Lorelai: What's that?

Sookie: That is a vat of boiling oil.

Lorelai: Really? Where's Quasimodo?

Sookie: This is not a joking matter.

Rory: What is the oil for?

Lorelai: For pouring on visigoths.

Sookie: Lorelai.

Lorelai: When else am I gonna get to use my visigoth material?

-"A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving"

283-Kirk: Luke, where's your lost and found?

Luke: Out back in the dumpster.

284-Rory: I can go from zero to studying in less than sixty seconds.

285-Lorelai: Hey. Anywhere?

Luke: Anywhere.

Lorelai: [to customer at table] Hm, would you mind moving?

Luke: I hate when you do that.

Lorelai: It's my showstopper.

286-Lorelai: Don't study so much that you get brilliant, go mad, grow a big bald egghead and try to take over the world, okay, 'cause I wanna go shoe shopping this weekend.

Rory: Promise, I will not go mad until we get you some boots.

287-Lorelai: Rory is very low maintenance. Kind of like that robot kid in A.I., only way less mother-obsessed. Oh my God, that kid was so annoying. I would've pushed him out of the car while it was still moving.

288-Lorelai: Uh oh. Jackson's got that panicked "my girlfriend wants me to get married" face on.

Sookie: Yup. Hey, next time he's here, tell him that you're pregnant.

Lorelai: With twins.

Sookie: Why not?

289-Rory: You know, you always make me tell you what I'm thinking.

Lorelai: Yes, and the lesson we have learned from that is you should never become a spy.

290-Michel: A group of scientists did a study on rats where they cut their daily calories by thirty percent.

Sookie: And you felt left out?

291-Rory: When is dinner ready?

Lorelai: Do I look like a timer?

Rory: I thought you might have set one.

Lorelai: Silly rabbit.

Rory: Timers are for kids.

292-Rory: You're lying.

Lorelai: I'm being mysterious. That's what women do.

293-Lorelai: You know how on All in the Family when Edith would be yapping about something and Archie would pretend to make a noose and hang himself or shoot himself in the head?

Rory: Yeah?

Lorelai: I don't know. Something about this moment just made me think of that.

294-Richard: His head is shaped like a football.

Emily: It is not.

Richard: If he fell asleep in the park, someone would try to punt him.

295-Rory: Okay, I am planning this wedding without you. You will have no say and I may not even let you come.

296-Bootsy: You a Leo?

Lorelai: No.

Bootsy: Thank God. Those guys are screwed this week.

297-Rory: When's soon?

Lorelai: When the big hand hits the "S" and the little hand hits the "OON."

298-Emily: I guess it must be present time.

Rory: You didn't have to.

Lorelai: Oh yeah, Mom, you didn't have to. Unless you got something that'll fit me too, in which case, good going.

-"Those are Strings Pinocchio"

299-Rory: How am I supposed to get into Harvard if I have no wilderness skills?

Lorelai: I don't know honey. Maybe you'll have to give up your dream of majoring in logging.

300-Lorelai: 'Mom, I'm getting married.' I'm an idiot. And you know, as my mouth was opening my mind was screaming, 'Don't do it, I mean it, you'll regret it.' But did my mouth listen?

Rory: No.

Lorelai: No. And it opened and the words came out, and Emily was Emily, and my mouth was stunned. And my mind said 'I told you so.' And then my mouth got mad because no mouth like's to have it's nose rubbed in it. And now my mind and my mouth aren't talking, and it'll be weeks before we can get the boys together again.

Rory: Your mouth has a nose?

301-Jackson: Sookie, I'm serious, I'm moving in.

Sookie: [laughing] Jackson, stop, you're gonna give me a cramp.

Jackson: Sookie, get back here.

302-Lorelai: What in Lucifer's reach is my mother doing here?

303-Rory: Grandma, I can't believe you found the recipe for Beefaroni.

Emily: It wasn't easy. Antonia thought I'd gone insane.

Lorelai: Well ...

Emily: No one needs a comment from you.

304-Lorelai: Boy they keep making that ketchup slower and slower, huh?

Luke: It's the Heinz family's little joke.

305-Lorelai: I would reconsider calling Dean. It's not his fault that you're so fabulous he can't think about anything else.

Rory: Bye Mom.

Lorelai: I mean, he just sits in his room, eating Froot Loops out of the box, saying your name over and over and over.

Rory: Time is ticking.

Lorelai: Rory, I love you Rory. Rory, I will not be ignored Rory...

306-Rory: Here's the gin. It's brown

Lorelai: I love that you think that.

307-Emily: [on Luke] You have a gentleman friend of significance.

Lorelai: [in a Southern accent] Rhett is my gentleman friend, yes.

308-[Emily has purchased a very small "panic room"]

Lorelai: Hey, let's test it out. I'm gonna get you.

[makes claws with her hands]

Emily: [annoyed] Oh, my God.

Lorelai: [attempting to be scary] You better get in there, 'cause I'm a bad guy. Baah!

Emily: Stop it.

Lorelai: I'm menacing. Panic, damn it. Come on.

309-[on Emily's panic room]

Emily: It'll stop a 9-millimeter shell.

Lorelai: Handy for when Suge Knight comes for tea.

310-[Emily found a sequined vest in Richard's closet and is very upset about it]

Rory: I have never seen Grandma so singularly obsessed about a piece of clothing.

Lorelai: Not since I wore my 'Gas, Grass, or Ass - No one rides for free' t-shirt to the junior league spring tea.

311-Rory: [Paris is looking over Rory's shoulder while she's reading] Paris, please don't compare our reading times again. You're fast, I'm slow, enjoy your trophy.

312-Lorelai: [Rory wants Lorelai to have a separate dinner with Emily while she has a dinner with Richard] Can't I take the butler? He doesn't talk much, and, as far as I know, he thoroughly enjoys the way I dress.

313-Emily: [Emily is trying on clothes] Look at the red pantsuit.

Lorelai: [Lorelai looks at it] Nice.

Emily: Nice?

Lorelai: Nice... and red... and pantsuity.

-"Like Mother, Like Daughter"

314-Rory: [about Emily wanting to see other men] What? Why?

Lorelai: He wouldn't butter her roll.

315-Max Medina: I don't know if you've realized, but every gift so far has been for you.

Lorelai: Yes, well, in this town, I am the queen. You are simply my jester.

316-Emily: Walk as you babble please.

317-Lane: I guess I kind of overreacted.

Rory: Kind of? You did everything but tie a string with you at one end and the Statue of Liberty at the other.

318-Emily: Focus the picture Lorelai.

Lorelai: It is focused.

Rory: That's how it came out.

Emily: It's hurting my eyes.

Lorelai: Come on Mom, they're supposed to be a little arty.

Rory: Plus she doesn't know how to use her camera.

Lorelai: I've only had it six years.

Emily: It's like I have glaucoma.

-"Nick and Nora/Sid and Nancy"

319-Lorelai: Hey, I'm gonna find a ladies room. You know, sneak a smoke, see if anybody slipped an aspirin in my coke.

Rory: Okay, Rizzo.

320-Lorelai: Wow. Harvard is over 300 years old.

Rory: Founded in 1636.

Lorelai: That means that almost everyone who ever went to Harvard is dead now. Are you sure you still want to go here?

-"The Road Trip to Harvard"

321-Lorelai: Luke, um, that's not a bed, that's a raft, which is fine if you're gonna build a moat around the diner but...

Luke: It's fine.

Lorelai: Luke, the kid needs a bed. If you want to get him something inflatable, make it a blonde.

322-Lorelai: Okay, don't concentrate too hard. Boys like 'em dumb, right Jackson?

Jackson: If you can navigate yourself around a tree, keep on walking.

323-Lorelai: I ate the fuzzy Certs.

Rory: Gross.

Lorelai: They tasted like keys.

324-Lorelai: And people can evolve together, don't you think?

Luke: Maybe.

Lorelai: Yoko and John Lennon did. They just got closer and closer as the years went by. At the end, they had the same face.

Luke: Yeah, it got a little spooky.

Lorelai: But cool.

325-Lorelai: You know, if I was in a rock band touring and stuff, I'd make the bus driver stop at every Haden's Nut House we pass.

Rory: Wow, your Behind the Music is gonna be really wild.

326-Lorelai: Ugh. There have been very few moments in my life where I have actually wished I had one of those enormous cream pies you can just smash in someone's face, but this is definitely one of them.

327-Lorelai: I think I know what an aneurysm feels like before you have it.

Sookie: Like a baseball the size of a cantaloupe in your head.

Lorelai: [giggle] Good one.

Sookie: What?

Lorelai: Baseball the size of a cantaloupe.

Sookie: Yeah.

Lorelai: 'Cause a baseball can only be one size, so it's a Yogi Berra type thing.

Sookie: Yogi Bear?

328-Luke: This is Stars Hollow. You take three left turns and you're back in the center of town.

329-Christopher: Move to California. That's what I do when my parents fight.

330-Lorelai: As soon as they both get tired of saying 'No, you're prettier' to each other, then the night's over.

331-Lorelai: Well, since you still haven't told me what exactly it is that you do, I'm gonna go with yoga instructor or chiropractor.

Christopher: No, it's actually pretty interesting. I'm working for this firm that helps those overblown tech companies scale back and stay afloat now that they're facing leaner times.

Lorelai: I'm sorry, uh, what's the interesting part?

Christopher: We dress like superheroes when we do it.

-"Christopher Returns"

332-Rory: A cool B&B?

Lorelai: Yes.

Rory: That's like saying an understated Nicholas Cage movie.

333-Lorelai: Can I ask you stupid questions?

Luke: There's no such thing.

Lorelai: How does ink come out of pens?

Luke: All right, there is such a thing.

334-Christopher: I have to stay up and do a little work tonight.

Lorelai: [laughs] I'm sorry. I keep forgetting that's not a joke anymore.

-"Christopher Returns"

335-Lorelai: Past graduates. Henry James-isn't that a beer?

Rory: And a novelist. Go on.

Lorelai: John Adams. That's a beer.

Rory: Our second president. He's very in right now.

Lorelai: W.E.B. Du Bois, Yo-Yo Ma. Oh cool. Fred Gwynn.

Rory: Who?

Lorelai: Herman Munster. Now I'm impressed.

-"The Road Trip to Harvard"

336-Luke: Wait, you need keys.

Jess: No I don't.

[leaves]

Luke: I so don't wanna know why.

337-Mrs. Kim: [to David, in response to his request to take Lane to the prom] "Let never day nor night unhallowed pass, but still remember what the Lord hath done."

[he leaves, confused]

Mrs. Kim: [the next day, David confronts Mrs. Kim]

Dave Rygalski: I stayed up all night. I read the entire Bible cover to cover. I don't know what it means.

Mrs. Kim: David...

Dave Rygalski: You have to tell me what it means. Is it "yes?" Is it "no?" I can't feel my right elbow any more. I don't even know why, but I... I can't.

Mrs. Kim: David!

Dave Rygalski: [pleading] Please. Just tell me. I'm so tired.

Mrs. Kim: It's not from the Bible.

Dave Rygalski: What?

Mrs. Kim: It's Shakespeare. Hevry VIth. I like to goof off now and then too, you know.

Dave Rygalski: Shakespeare?

Mrs. Kim: That is a very difficult thing to do, reading the Bible in one night. I myself have only done it three times. You need great determination and excellent light. I'm very impressed.

Dave Rygalski: [he looks at her expectantly]

Mrs. Kim: All right.

Dave Rygalski: All right what?

Mrs. Kim: You can go to the prom, but you can not get married.

Dave Rygalski: That seems fair to me.

[the quotation is from Henry VI, Act ii, Sc.1]

338-Rory: Before I knew it, Grandma was telling me how important it is for a person to be properly presented to society.

Lorelai: Ugh.

Rory: And how every young girl dreams of this day.

Lorelai: Agh.

Rory: And how there are flowers.

Lorelai: Oh Lord.

Rory: And music.

Lorelai: Please.

Rory: And cake.

Lorelai: Oh yeah, the cake's actually good.

-"Presenting Lorelai Gilmore"

339-Rory: So what do you think?

Dean: I think you look like a cotton ball.

Rory: Why, thank you Jeeves.

Dean: But a really cute cotton ball.

-"Presenting Lorelai Gilmore"

340-Christopher: May I have this dance?

Lorelai: I don't know. Do you have a trust fund? Always make sure.

-Presenting Lorelai Gilmore"

341-Kirk: Well, first I read the sign and then I tried the door in case it was some sort of elaborate ruse.

Lorelai: Designed to keep only you out?

Kirk: There's precedent.

342-Lorelai: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Gilmores of our lives.

343-Lorelai: Ugh, Rory, my brain is full. It has reached capacity. It's Shea Stadium when the Beatles played. It's cramped and girls are screaming and I think George is fighting with Ringo.

344-Lorelai: What about Paris, does she ever sleep?

Rory: I think she periodically makes a whirring noise and then just shuts down.

345-Luke: So, back from the ball huh?

Lorelai: Yes, I left behind a glass slipper and a business card in case the prince is really dumb.

Luke: Good and desperate thinking.

Lorelai: Thank you.

346-Lorelai: Hey, if that's a crack at my housekeeping skills... well then, okay.

347-Sookie: Oh, that makes me so mad. And so sad. I'm smad.

348-Richard: Lorelai, this is just beautiful. It's like something out of Architectural Digest. You should be very proud.

Lorelai: Thanks Dad.

Emily: Your dress needs pressing.

Lorelai: Thanks Mom.

-"Raincoats and Recipes"

349-Lorelai: Ladies never get their own eggrolls. Ladies never get their own anything. They don't even get their own ideas.

Rory: Oh boy.

Lorelai: They just sit helplessly and wait for some young strong man to come by and assist them. They don't step in puddles, they don't step over puddles. They can't even look at puddles. They actually need to be blindfolded and thrown in a sack and carried over puddles.

Rory: Isn't there a moratorium on how long ladies are supposed to talk?

Lorelai: Uhh, no.

-"Presenting Lorelai Gilmore"

350-Lorelai: Hey, how many margaritas is too many margaritas?

Rory: Um, if you can't remember where the living room is.

Lorelai: Ha ha, I'm still good.

351-Lorelai: I want to welcome you to the first annual and probably never ever to be held again because Sookie's on the verge of a nervous breakdown Bracebridge Dinner.

-"Bracebridge Dinner"

352-Lorelai: Why are we standing here?

Rory: Because the sign says 'wait to be seated'.

Lorelai: Yeah, but we're not automatons, we are rule breakers, and there are like fifty open tables.

Rory: You're exaggerating.

Lorelai: One, two, three, four, fifty - no I'm not.

353-Lorelai: Okay, I'm just gonna let everyone deal with all this because I need to relax and get a cup of coffee and maybe hammer a nail into my head.

Emily: You're not needed here, Lorelai. Go get your coffee, relax. You're going to redo your makeup later, aren't you?

Lorelai: Maybe an Irish coffee.

-"Lorelai's Graduation Day"

354-Richard: Oh, I hate to see you waste your time.

Lorelai: Well, I'll blindfold you then.

355-[Emily and Richard have split up]

Emily: At some point you have to face facts, and the facts are, he's moved on. And therefore I should move on also.

Lorelai: Absolutely. MoveOn.org.

Emily: [pause] I think it's time for me to date.

Lorelai: [chokes on her drink] Oh, my God.

Emily: I want to go on a date.

Lorelai: With - a man?

Emily: No, a weasel. Of course, a man!

Lorelai: I'm not hearing this.

Emily: Well, why shouldn't I date? I'm still a viable commodity.

Lorelai: I need a paper towel and a Valium, please.

Emily: There are plenty of men at the club who, in the past, have made their interest in me known, I just need to figure out how to reciprocate their feelings. You have a lot of experience with men. How do you let them know that you're available?

Lorelai: Well, one of those bench ads usually does the trick.

Emily: Lorelai, stop it. I need help here. It's been years since I did this, and I don't remember the proper procedure! Now take me through this step-by-step. You see a man, you walk up to him and you say...

Lorelai: ...Hello.

Emily: Is that too forward?

Lorelai: No, it's the appropriate way to indicate you're open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters.

[Emily glares]

356-Luke: [to Lorelai] I will never, under any circumstances, no matter how short a dress you put on, go back to Al's Pancake World ever, ever again.

Lorelai: Aw, you didn't like your manicotti?

Luke: That was not manicotti, it was square and flat and blue.

Lorelai: Yeah. Manicotti's rarely blue.

357-Emily: When a woman gives birth to a crack baby you do not buy her a puppy.

-"Women of Questionable Morals"

358-[Luke and Lorelai arrive at Emily and Richard's vow renewal. Luke is already in his suit and complains that his pants are wrinkled]

Lorelai: Hey, stop being such a nancy-boy about the pants. Think Hemingway ever gave a crap what his pants looked like?

Luke: Hemingway blew his brains out, also. How much of a role model do you want me to make this guy?

-"Wedding Bell Blues"

359-Brad: Through good times and bad, Chilton formed us, brought us hope, honed our insight, gave us encouragement. Though my time here was briefly interrupted by my period spent on Broadway hanging out with Stephen Sondheim, I still consider Chilton the most rewarding experience of my young life. Now it had always been my plan in closing to recite a short poem I'd written.

Madline: But you reconsidered.

Paris: Come on, Brad. Go out a winner.

Brad: But as I read it aloud, I realized the sentiments I wanted to share with my fellow students were better expressed in a favorite song of mine.

[sings]

Brad: Cherish is the word I use to describe. . .bong, bong. Bong, bong.

Rory: Oh, Brad.

-"Those are Strings Pinocchio"

360-Luke: We got nothing of substance done in this meeting.

Lorelai: And the tradition stands.

361-Lorelai: Aren't baby shower balloons supposed to reflect the sex of the baby? Blue for boys, pink for girls.

Rory: You would think.

Lorelai: What's green for, aliens?

-"Take the Deviled Eggs"

362-Tourist: Excuse me, I'm so sorry to bother you. Which way is 44th?

Rory: Oh, um, that way.

Tourist: Great, thanks.

Rory: I got asked directions.

Jess: I saw.

Rory: He took me for a native. That's so cool.

Jess: That's very impressive. 44th's the other way.

-"Lorelai's Graduation Day"

363-Rory: Note to self: impulsive definitely does not work for me.

364-Taylor: First protest, now vandalism. Makes you think about leaving this town.

Lorelai: [giddily] I never wanna leave this town.

365-Paris: We're friends?

Rory: I'm not sure if there is an exact definition for what we are, but I do think it falls somewhere in the bizarro friends-ish realm.

366-Lorelai: Hey, is Jackson in the house? Let me here you say unh.

Jackson: Unh.

Lorelai: A new toy.

Rory: Shameless.

367-Lane: Oh my God, you guys walk fast. I've been chasing you for the past two blocks.

Rory: Hey, we were being followed.

Lorelai: I told you I wasn't just being paranoid. Maybe next time you'll take me seriously when I tell you furniture moved itself.

368-Luke: Crazy people. Whole town should be medicated and put in a rec room with ping pong tables and hand puppets.

369-Lorelai: Do you know how to make coffee?

Christopher: Yes, I do.

Lorelai: My coffee?

Christopher: One bag of coffee per cup of water, right?

Lorelai: Perfect.

370-[while studying for exams]

Rory: Okay. You should get back to your studying.

Lorelai: Fine. Oh, great.

Rory: What?

Lorelai: I think I've already forgotten everything I read in the last two hours.

Rory: No, you haven't.

Lorelai: Yes, I have. In fact, I may have forgotten everything that I've ever known. Child, what be your name?

Rory: Study.

371-[on swans]

Michel: I will never go near those filthy birds.

Lorelai: Why?

Michel: I hate the swans.

Lorelai: These particular swans?

Michel: No, all swans. I was attacked by a band of swans in the Luxembourg Gardens when I was a boy. No one forgets that.

Lorelai: [laughing] Oh no - not being attacked by a band of swans. Was it an all-boy band? Kind of a scary, feathery *NSYNC kind of fiasco?

Michel: This is not funny.

372-[while playing a carnival game]

Clara: Jess can't throw.

Jess: I can, too.

Clara: You missed every time.

Jess: I can't concentrate with your annoying midget voice yammering on and on. It's like having Stuart Little shoved in my ear.

-"That'll Do, Pig"

373-[younger Lorelai at the hospital]

Emily: You're having a baby - do you know that, Lorelai?

Lorelai: Well, that explains the stomachache.

-"Dear Emily and Richard"

374-Rory: But we want to be spontaneous. Jump a train to Paris, head off to Spain.

Lorelai: Oh no, it's raining in Spain. But since the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain...

Rory: Looks like Italy for us.

Lorelai: Mamma mia.

375-[looking at baby Rory]

Christopher: She's pretty.

Lorelai: She's perfect.

-"Dear Emily and Richard"

376-Dean: I gotta place an order.

Jess: Talk into the clown.

Dean: I am.

377-Rory: [reading titles of travel books] "Selected Hotels of Europe," "Hotels, Restaurants and Inns of Great Britain and Ireland, 1986", "Myra Waldo's Travel and Motoring Guide to Europe, '78."

Lorelai: Wow, these will be an enormous help in planning our trip. Hey, you wanna go see the Berlin Wall?

Rory: Sounds great.

-"Dear Emily and Richard"

378-Young Christopher: Let's celebrate.

Young Lorelai: Celebrate what?

Young Christopher: No more midterms.

Young Lorelai: Hear, hear.

Young Christopher: Okay, I say that we drink to it.

Young Lorelai: Hear, hear.

Young Christopher: Scotch, vodka, or gin?

Young Lorelai: Hear, hear.

Young Christopher: Okay.

Young Lorelai: And put a cherry in it.

-"Dear Emily and Richard"

379-[after Michel has begged Lorelai to take him to an auction run by her mother]

Lorelai: Michel, if you wanna go to this auction, you have to be in the lobby at six o'clock Friday morning. You have to hand out towels and water bottles, you have to show them the hiking trails, and you have to let them give you a nature name.

Michel: Fine, I will let them give me a nature name.

Lorelai: All right, then, you can come.

Michel: Thank you.

Lorelai: Buttercup.

Michel: You cannot give them suggestions.

380-Paris: Pack up the chastity belt, Gilmore. You're going to Harvard.

381-Luke: You tuck a bed in on both sides?

Lorelai: Yeah, and then I slip in, like it's a straightjacket.

Luke: Oh, you must feel at home there.

-"A Tale of Poes and Fire"

382-Zach: Hey, you guys are not gonna believe this.

Liza: You're Mr. Announcement Guy today.

Zach: What, are you going to pipe in every time I talk?

Liza: Can it.

Zach: Stuff it.

Lorelai: They're in love.

Sookie: Clearly.

383-Rory: How come we don't have a tiki bar?

Lorelai: Because we're not two wild and crazy guys.

Rory: You like pina colodas.

Lorelai: And getting caught in the rain.

-"Eight O'Clock at the Oasis"

384-Rory: Why me?

Paris: Because people like you. You're quiet. You say "excuse me". You look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning.

385-["Gilmore Girls: Beginnings" opening narration]

Lorelai: There are many paths in life. There's the "Hey, you're cute, sure, I'll marry you after graduation and med school" and the "Can you drive Susie to soccer today, 'cause I've got a pediure?" path. And then there's my path, where I found myself 16 and pregnant and I realized "I have to get a job, I have to raise a kid and being me, I have to do it all by myself." Not easy. But the thing with my path was, when I reached the end, I turned around and realized I'd ended up someplace really good.

-"Pilot"

386-[Lorelai's parents walk into the Inn]

Lorelai: [moaning] They're here.

Rory: Who?

Lorelai: The Joyless Luck Club.

387-[Jimmy's girlfriend's daughter, Lily, likes to read under tables and in closets]

Jess: She do that a lot?

Jimmy: All the time.

Jess: You ever find it a little weird?

Jimmy: All the time.

-"Here Comes the Son"

388-[Lorelai swallows several pills]

Emily: What are you taking?

Lorelai: Rufies?

Rory: Aspirin.

389-Paris: I pierced my nose. And within an hour of having it done, my nose swelled up to four times its normal size, blocking all nasal passage, making it impossible to breathe. I went to the emergency room, where they pried the thing out of my nose and shot me up with antibiotics. I spent the night with an ice pack strapped to my face.

Rory: Oh, Paris.

Paris: It seems that I was allergic to the crap metal hoop that I paid $19.95 to have jammed into my nose.

Louise: Did you take a picture?

Paris: No, Louise, I did not take a picture. I was a little busy trying to get air to my brain cells, a burden you've not yet faced.

390-Rory: Solidarity sister.

Lorelai: Ya Ya.

Rory: You've been waiting all summer to say that haven't you?

Lorelai: Ya Ya.

-Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days"

391-[to Luke]

Lorelai: Date her, marry her, make her Mrs. Backwards baseball cap. See if I care.

392-[Lorelai and Rory arrive late to the town meeting]

Taylor: Late again, are we?

Lorelai: Ooh, yes, I hope I'm not pregnant.

Taylor: What?

Lorelai: Are these seats taken?

393-[Luke's deceased Uncle Louie is being buried with his prized possessions]

Luke: Taylor and the guys were right. I was cutting Louie slack out of respect for my dad, but the man was rotten and mean and selfish all his life. For God's sake, he's even selfish in death. Other people would've loved to have had those baseball cards. I would've loved to have those baseball cards. He's got Lou Gehrig's rookie card, Joe DiMaggio, Willie Mays, tons of others - but no. My uncle, King Tut, has to take all of them to the afterlife with him.

-"Dead Uncles and Vegetables"

394-Luke: What was wrong with that place?

Jess: It was pink.

Luke: We can paint it.

Jess: You mean I can paint it.

Luke: We can paint it together

Jess: Great, and afterwards we can hold hands and skip around.

-"Lost and Found"

395-[Kirk is sitting at a table with a cup of coffee. Luke is trying to give him his check]

Luke: You've been sitting there for two hours.

Kirk: I just want a little more coffee.

Luke: You've had eight refills.

Kirk: You know, in France, when you sit and order, you can have the table as long as you want.

Luke: I bet you know what I'm gonna say next.

Kirk: That we're not in France?

Luke: Give or take a profanity.

Kirk: Fine, I'll go. Can I have my check?

[Luke picks up the check already on the table and slams it down]

397-Luke: I'm closing down the diner for a couple of weeks and taking Nicole on a little trip.

Rory: Fun.

Luke: We're driving through Western Canada and then taking a cruise up to Alaska.

Rory: A cruise?

Lorelai: Intimate.

Luke: I guess. Is it?

Lorelai: [singing] The Love Boat.

Luke: What?

Lorelai: A cruise is a good spot to get down on one knee.

Luke: And do my ventriloquist act?

398-Lorelai: [walking into Luke's diner] Give me a burger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I need some heroes.

399-Jason: I didn't know you were so close to your mother.

Lorelai: I'm not.

Jason: Then why are you defending her?

Lorelai: Every family needs its Fredo.

Jason: Yeah, and Fredo's family put two bullets into the back of his head.

400-Jason: You're still mad about that.

Lorelai: I was fully dressed.

Jason: I remember. Green T-shirt, no bra.

Lorelai: What?

Jason: Trust me. I was the hero of Cabin 5 for the rest of the summer.

401-Kirk: If you'll just follow me, I would like to present you with my new line of one-of-a-kind mailboxes.

Lorelai: Wow. They look very nice, Kirk.

Kirk: And whimsical. They say to the world, "I'll take my mail with a smile."

Lorelai: Yes, they do say that.

Kirk: And since you are one of our preferred customers, with the purchase of one of our mailboxes, I'll throw in a carved-duck doorstop and a garlic peeler.

Lorelai: Wow. That's quite an offer, Kirk. But I think it's a little early to pick a mailbox. We haven't even settled on a color for the inn yet.

Kirk: Well, whimsy goes with everything.

Lorelai: Kirk, I promise, just as soon as... is that Condoleezza Rice?

Kirk: Yes, it is. I'm a fan and her big mouth is perfect for shoving mail in.

403-Lorelai: Jason, my mother is a corporate wife. Her job is putting these parties on. And you put her out of work. You know that; your mother does the same thing. Imagine if you took these functions away from her. What would she have left?

Jason: More time with the pool boy?

404-Luke: I don't even like kids. They always have jam on their hands. Even when there isn't any jam in the house, they get jam on their hands. I can't deal with jam hands.

405-Emily: You know, some men retire.

Richard: Yes, and some men tattoo their mother's names on their biceps.

Emily: I don't think the two are necessarily linked.

406-Lorelai: My mother - she was here. I can feel it.

Rory: Grandma hasn't been here.

Lorelai: Smell that?

Rory: Smell what?

Lorelai: The room - it smells like guilt and Chanel No. 5

-"The Hobbit, the Sofa, and Digger Stiles"

407-Rory: Janet's out jogging so I don't know what she thinks, but I have to hope she's pleased 'cause that girl's in shape and can kick my butt.

Lorelai: Well, just make sure there's something she likes on the TV when she gets home. Something soothing to runners - maybe something that goes in a circle over and over.

-"The Sofa, the Hobbit and Digger Stiles"

408-Sookie: A child is not a duvet cover. You can't just take it back if it doesn't like you.

Lorelai: Luckily, duvet covers notoriously like whoever they go home with. They're like golden retrievers.

Sookie: You know what happens when kids don't like you? They tie you to a chair. They brain you with a bat. They set fire to the house and blame it on the neighbors.

Lorelai: Wow, now you can't have kids or live next door to them.

409-Lorelai: This is a misogynistic truck.

Luke: What?

Lorelai: It's anti-woman, it's gender-selective, it's "Oh, let's drink a beer and watch the game and hike our shorts up."

-"The Lorelais' First Day at Yale"

410-Luke: Okay, if I give you my lawyer's name, will you leave?

Russell: I will leave.

Luke: Okay, you ready?

Russell: Yes.

Luke: His name is Don Dewey. He works at the firm of Dewey...

Russell: Dewey.

Luke: Cheatham...

Russell: Cheatham.

Luke: And Howe.

Russell: Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe. That was very immature.

-"The Lorelais' First day at Yale"

411-Lorelai: Well, I can't take it back to Yale.

Luke: I'm not storing your microbe mattress, forget it.

Lorelai: Well, then I'm stuck here.

Luke: Fine, because I need my truck back.

Lorelai: Fine, but that leaves you with the mattress.

Luke: I'm not taking the mattress.

Lorelai: Then let me take the truck.

Luke: But that means you take the mattress.

Lorelai: I can't take the mattress.

Luke: Then you can't have the truck.

Lorelai: But that sticks you with the mattress.

Luke: If you take the truck, it comes with the mattress.

Lorelai: I can't take the mattress.

Luke: Then you can't have the truck.

Lorelai: And that sticks you with the mattress.

Luke: We've been here before.

Lorelai: I recognize that tree.

-"The Lorelais' First Day at Yale"

412-Lorelai: All right, I should go. I called Luke last night and he made me promise to get the truck back by two hours ago, so if I leave now it's sooner than I planned.

-"The Lorelais' First Day at Yale"

413-Rory: If we were caught smuggling hash over the border and we were thrown in some Turkish prison, wouldn't you want someone to know that we were in Turkey?

Lorelai: Where'd we get this hash we were smuggling?

Rory: You were at a café, you met a guy, he was sweet-talking you, he put the stuff in your purse when you weren't looking.

Lorelai: At least tell me he was cute.

Rory: He was not bad for a hash dealer.

-"Ballrooms and Biscotti"

414-Lorelai: She's making cocoa 'cause you gave her an itinerary.

Rory: I may have given her the itinerary, but you're the one who got us busted for drug smuggling.

Lorelai: Reality has absolutely no place in our world.

-"Ballrooms and Biscotti"

415-Lorelai: So why'd you say "no"?

Rory: [on why she doesn't want to date Trevor] He carries a bottle of water around with him all the time. That's weird.

Lorelai: Right. Hydration. Very creepy.

416-Emily: I just found out that Sookie is pregnant.

Lorelai: Uh huh...

[Emily stares in disbelief]

Lorelai: Don't look at me, I had nothing to do with it.

417-Lorelai: Well I'm a leftover girl. I'll just have the burgers tonight and the Chinese food during the week.

Luke: Then you should've just ordered the Chinese fresh tomorrow instead of tonight.

Lorelai: I don't like fresh Chinese food. I like stale Chinese food!

418-[Rory tells Lane about her first kiss]

Rory: Oh my God, He kissed me.

[Mrs. Kim comes up to the girls]

Mrs. Kim: Who kissed you?

Lane: The Lord, Mama.

Mrs. Kim: Oh, OK then

[Mrs. Kim leaves]

-"Kiss and Tell"

419-Kirk: What time is it?

Luke: I'm not going to tell you.

Kirk: Why not?

Luke: Because I just told you 30 seconds ago.

Kirk: 45 seconds, if you count all the bickering.

420-[Luke is shoveling Lorelai's walk after they had a fight]

Lorelai: Ooh, this is great. Can we fight again, 'cause I need my roof gutters cleaned.

421-Paris: Gandalf the Grey is still falling down that hole; it's a big hole!

422-Rory: That had all the tact of a Nazi Storm Trooper.

423-Lorelai: Someday, when you're a little older, you'll be introduced to something that is extremely seductive but fickle. A fair weather friend who seems benighned but packs a whallop like a donkey kick, and that is the Long Island Ice Tea. The Long Island Ice Tea makes you do things you normally wouldn't do, like lifting your skirt in public or calling someone you normally wouldn't call at really weird times.

424-Paris: Ladies, thank you for seeing me. I know you're busy with work and have families to get home to, so I really appreciate your courtesy, and I'll make it brief. Having Grad Night on a yacht is the worst idea since Neville Chamberlain told the people of England, "Hey, don't worry about Hitler. He's a stand-up chap." Forget the inconvenience of being at sea with guests unable to leave if the party is dull or if the band, which will inevitably be composed of accountants with semi-mullets, decides to do a half-hour tribute to Kenny G. The seasickness factor alone, abetted by snuck-in flasks and badly cooked food, could lead to an epidemic, which may lead to lawsuits the school could ill afford. These points conclusively call for a change in venue to a hotel ballroom, a restaurant facility, several of which I've already called. Here are the results of my research. I've also included a list of maritime disasters from the past fifty years - capsizings, onboard fires, et cetera - and trust me, it'll put you off your lunch. Thank you for your time and cooperation.

[leaves]

425-[Kirk's planning the annual Stars Hollow Firelight Festival]

Kirk: After we light the bonfire, the dancers should come through.

Miss Patty: Okay, Kirk.

Kirk: They'll circle the gazebo. Jazz hands, jazz hands, jazz hands. Then out come the flaming batons.

Miss Patty: That sounds good, Kirk.

Kirk: Are you ignoring me?

Miss Patty: Since you were old enough to walk, Kirk.

426-Lorelai: I'm going to make out in the coatroom. Don't eat my chicken.

Rory: That's going on your tombstone.

427-[after Floyd tells the Gilmores that Jason is dating Lorelai]

Jason: I have a bottle of vodka back at my place. A big bottle of vodka. The world's biggest bottle.

Lorelai: What'll you drink?

Jason: Gin.

428-[Lorelai is buying collector's stamps while Luke is signing for his divorce]

Lorelai: Do you have any Lucille Balls left?

Kirk: Yes, I have some Balls.

[Luke stares at him]

429-[Lorelai is avoiding her parents after they found out she's dating Jason]

Rory: Did you talk to your parents yet?

Lorelai: No.

Rory: Have you tried talking to your parents yet?

Lorelai: No.

Rory: That's my little Kofi Annan!

430-Luke: Junkie.

Lorelai: Angel. You've got wings, baby.

431-Lorelai: Oh, hi. You really like my table don't you?

Joey: I was just, uh...

Lorelai: Getting to know my daughter.

Joey: Your...

Rory: Are you my new daddy?

Joey: Wow. You do not look old enough to have a daughter. No, I mean it. And you do not look like a daughter.

Lorelai: That's possibly very sweet of you, Joey. Thanks.

Joey: So... daughter. You know, I am traveling with a friend.

Lorelai: She's sixteen.

Joey: Bye.

-"Pilot"

432-Rory: When are you going to let your parents know that you listen to the evil rock music? You're an American teenager, for God's sake.

Lane: Rory, if my parents still get upset over the obscene portion size of American food, I seriously doubt I'm gonna make any inroads with Eminem.

433-Rory: You know, it sucks that after all these years your mom still hates me.

Lane: She doesn't hate you.

Rory: She hates my mother.

Lane: She doesn't trust unmarried women.

Rory: You're unmarried.

Lane: I'm hayriding with a future proctologist. I have potential.

434-Emily: Champagne, anyone?

Lorelai: Oh, that's fancy.

Emily: Well it's not every day I have my girls here for dinner on a day the banks are open.

-"Pilot"

435-Mrs. Kim: Boys don't like funny girls.

Rory: Noted.

436-Lorelai: This is it. She can finally go to Harvard like she's always wanted and get the education that I never got and get to do all the things that I never got to do and then I can resent her for it and we can finally have a normal mother-daughter relationship.

-"Pilot"

437-Michel: People are particularly stupid today. I can't talk to any more of them.

438-Rory: And we get to wear uniforms. No more having people check you out to see what jeans you're wearing 'cause everyone's dressed alike in boring clothes and just there to learn.

Lane: Okay, there's academic-minded and then there's Amish.

439-Rory: So do you like cake?

Dean: What?

Rory: They make really good cakes here. They're very... round.

Dean: Okay, I'll remember that.

Rory: Good. Make a note. You wouldn't want to forget where the round cakes are.

440-Lorelai: The freaking Blue Man Group is outside our house!

Rory: I was sleeping through it!

Lorelai: It had to have woken you up.

Rory: No, my insane mother Margot Kidder Gilmore woke me up.

441-Lorelai: Luke, we sleep around here. Okay, we like it. It makes us pretty and keeps us from killing our crazy friends.

442-Rory: Obviously he's met one of those Thursday afternoon girls.

Lane: What's a Thursday afternoon girl?

Rory: They're those slutty girls that get guys to switch their Thursday afternoons with another checkout guy so they can go do slutty Thursday afternoon things.

443-Rory: Taylor thinks I'm casing the place. Like I would ever shoplift there.

Lane: You have shoplifted there.

444-Tristan: You should decorate this thing.

Rory: I did.

Tristan: Well, I mean with something other than a bunch of dead black and white women.

Rory: What, like curtains?

445-Madline: Judy Garland is trendy?

Paris: Completely.

Louise: She was neo-addict retro chic.

Madline: No one tells me these things.

446-Taylor: All right, the nays have it. Let the record reflect it. Lorelai, I hope that's not food in those bags. Food is not allowed at town meetings.

Lorelai: No, Taylor. It's not. It's, um, diapers for the little ones.

Taylor: What?

Lorelai: Dorsal fins and Cucamonga.

Taylor: What did she say?

Lorelai: [whispers to Max] I confuse him till he loses his train of thought and then he moves on. Hot dog?

447-Taylor: I don't get this, people. This man is practically a vagrant. I mean, where do you even live? What do you do for a living?

Grant, the 1st Troubadour: I don't want people to know those things!

Taylor: Why not?

Grant, the 1st Troubadour: Because that's part of being a troubadour.

Taylor: What is part of being a troubadour?

Grant, the 1st Troubadour: The mystique!

Taylor: Oh, this is absolutely ridiculous. Do you subscribe to this troubadour mystique?

The 2nd Troubadour: I run a Kinko's in Groton.

Grant, the 1st Troubadour: You see, that proves it. He doesn't respect the code. You're not supposed to talk. You're not supposed to run a Kinko's. You're supposed to speak through your music. That's the whole point.

448-Louise: Nothing's wrong with her Mary.

Rory: Mary? Oh no, not this Virgin Mary thing again.

Louise: Not virgin. Typhoid.

449-Michel: Am I or am I not the head man in charge of floral deliveries?

Lorelai: Yes, and one of the few men I know who would proudly declare that fact.

-"Love, Daisies & Troubadours"

450-[Paris is getting concerned about the age difference between her and a professor she's dating]

Paris: I'm 19. I should be rollicking. Asher doesn't rollick.

Rory: Well, he probably didn't rollick when he was younger either. He's British.

451-Kirk: I have night terrors.

Luke: Night terrors?

Kirk: Basically, I freak out at beddy-bye. About an hour after I fall asleep, I wake up in panic. Everything around me seems threatening, scary, out to get me. Two nights ago, I was suddenly gripped with the overwhelming feeling that there was an assassin in my house.

Luke: Jeez.

Kirk: I had to get out of the room before he got me, so I jumped out of bed and locked my pillow in the bathroom.

Luke: Why?

Kirk: Because it was a bomb.

Luke: Of course.

Kirk: After neutralizing my pillow, I ran up the stairs, climbed out the bathroom window, scaled the trellis up the side of the house, and hid on the roof...

Luke: Huh.

Kirk: Completely naked.

Luke: Aw, jeez!

Kirk: The worst part of night terrors is it always ends up with me on top of the roof completely naked or running down the street completely naked or swimming in the community-center pool completely naked. That was the time I thought I was on fire.

452-[Luke thinks Lorelai is still dating Jason even though he, Luke, has 'made his intentions clear']

Luke: I thought we were on track, and now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy.

Lorelai: I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!

Luke: You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!

Lorelai: I loved the flowers!

Luke: And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment.

Lorelai: There was! There was a moment.

[Luke looks at her and then moves closer]

Lorelai: What are you doing?

Luke: Will you just stand still?

[he gathers her in his arms and they kiss. Lorelai moves away, and then steps closer to Luke]

Luke: What are you doing?

Lorelai: Will you just stand still?

[they kiss again]

-"Raincoats and Recipes"

453-Dean: I hear Taylor's a big hip-hop fan.

Rory: Oh, he hops with the hippest of them.

454-Luke: Hey, Kirk, what's with the...?

Kirk: It's not a purse!

Luke: I wasn't going to say "purse". What's with the gay bag?

455-Lorelai: [upon entering the church] Would it kill God to dust?

456-[Rory is supposed to be swiping ID cards for the cafeteria, but she is reading and not paying attention]

Glenn: Hey, Rory, if you're gonna completely ignore me, I might as well go hang out with my ex-girlfriend. Same thing.

Rory: Oh, sorry, Glenn.

[swipes his card]

Glenn: Everyone is going to be sorry one day - everyone.

Rory: You really gotta stop watching "Taxi Driver," Glenn.

457-Lorelai: Maybe they could stop by a bathing suit store along the way.

Rory: My suit is fine.

Lorelai: No, sure it is. It's nice to be able to go from the beach to the mosque without having to change.

458-Paris: [Rory and Paris are running inside to get out of the pouring rain] Out of the way! Move, move, move!

Girl in the dorm: Is it raining?

Paris: No, it's National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot!

459-[on Paris's relationship with Asher Fleming]

Paris: I'm not denying that we've got a May-December romance going on here.

Rory: This is not May-December, this is May - Ming Dynasty.

Paris: An age difference like this is very common. People dating people the same age are passed now.

Rory: My grandfather introduced you to him. Do you see how awkward this is for me?

Paris: Well, hot men tend to run in packs.

Rory: Do not ever say anything like that again.

460-Rory: [playing a video game] Where'd I go?

Lane: I don't know!

Rory: What'd I do?

Lane: I don't know!

Rory: [the video game makes an explosion noise] Did I lose?

Lane: Well, you have no head, so I would say yes

461-[weeping over the death of Fran Weston]

Miss Patty: It's times like these that you realize what is truly important in your life. I'm so glad I had all that sex.

462-Taylor: "The Last Supper" cannot be funky.

463-Lorelai: So, where are you now?

Luke: I'm about 10 minutes from If-I-lived-here-I'd-blow-my-brains-out.

Lorelai: Ah yes, I hear it's lovely there.

464-Lorelai: I need you to look at Kirk's butt.

Sookie: Why?

Lorelai: Well, because he ran into some rose bushes and he's got some thorns stuck in it and I thought of you.

Sookie: Me? Why me?

Lorelai: Well, because... you're a chef.

465-Zach: Hey, Lorelai, get yourself a wink-winker?

Lorelai: What?

Lane: Please erase this from your brain.

Lorelai: I will definitely try.

466-Sookie: Call me Belinda, 'cause my lips are sealed!

467-Lorelai: Hey, I should bring steak sauce, right?

Rory: For what?

Lorelai: Pizza.

Rory: I just got back from Italy.

Lorelai: So?

Rory: So they'd shoot you in Italy for that.

Lorelai: Ah, but this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy.

Rory: I forgot. Bring on the imperialistic condiments.

-"A Messenger, Nothing More"

468-Luke: I didn't kick you out, you got yourself kicked out.

Jess: Nice spin, you should work for Bush!

-"I Can't Get Started"

469-Taylor: What if there's a break-up?

Luke: There will be no break-up!

Gypsy: Mr. Optimist!

470-[Luke is trying to subtly flirt with Lorelai at his diner]

Luke: Those jeans are really working for you.

Lorelai: Yeah?

Luke: They're working for me, too.

Lorelai: You're flirting with me.

Luke: Something like that.

Lorelai: Finally. Do it some more.

Luke: Your shoes work well with that... shirt.

Lorelai: Gee, Carson, thanks.

471-[Having moved into the pool house, Richard now has his own valet/butler, Robert]

Rory: Do you think he's happy?

Lorelai: I do. I think he's very happy out here with his books and his special friend, Robert.

Rory: Don't be gross.

Lorelai: What? I'm just saying two grown men out here alone with Hungarian cheese and swim trunks...

Rory: Oh, jeez.

Lorelai: Don't be so puritanical. After all, Heather has two mommies.

473-Luke: [bringing their plates to the table] Hot plates.

Lorelai: [to Rory] See? He called me 'Hot Plates.' He so likes me.

Luke: [embarrassed] Geez...

474-Rory: How was your summer?

Marty: I met Nicole Richie, and then spent the next six weeks showering.

475-[Luke and Lorelai's first real date; they have just read a long story on the back of a menu, hence the menu line]

Lorelai: Hey, do you remember the first time we met?

Luke: What?

Lorelai: I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?

Luke: [nods] It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person...

Lorelai: Ooh, is it me? Is it me?

Luke: This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy.

Lorelai: [happily] Ooh, it's me.

Luke: I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying - sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her.

Lorelai: Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful.

Luke: She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me.

Lorelai: God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you?

Luke: So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under Scorpio, she had written 'You will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away.' I gave her coffee.

Lorelai: [grins] But she didn't go away.

Luke: She told me to hold on to that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me -

[takes a piece of paper from his wallet and gives it to her]

Luke: one day it would bring me luck.

Lorelai: [teasing] Well, man, I will say anything for a cup of coffee

[reads it, grows serious]

Lorelai: Um... I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet?

[sees his face]

Lorelai: You kept this in your wallet.

Luke: Eight years.

Lorelai: [emotionally] Eight years.

476-[the morning after their date, Luke and Lorelai wake up together]

Lorelai: Okay, I gotta get up.

Luke: Why?

Lorelai: [sleepily] Work. Inn. Buy shoes.

477-Rory: [At a town council meeting] That woman's staring at me.

Lorelai: Oh, Mrs. Van-uppity? Well, maybe you're just her type.

Lorelai: [after the woman staring at Rory is introduced to give a speech] Hey, it's your future wife.

Rory: Shut up.

Lorelai: [Finally, as the meeting breaks up] Wait.

Rory: Why?

Lorelai: I wanna see if she asks you out.

478-Rory: [She is being stared at in the diner] I feel like a used car.

479-[Max and Lorelai are talking on the phone, Max is in the Teacher's Lounge at Chilton]

Lorelai: Grunt like a gorilla.

Max: I will not grunt like a gorilla.

Lorelai: If you grunt like a gorilla I'll tell you what color underwear I'm wearing.

Lorelai: [pause] Had you considering the grunt, didn't I?

Max: Yes.

Lorelai: Boy, I'm good.

481-[Lorelai is rejoicing over being able to go down to Luke's diner and get pie whenever she wants]

Lorelai: Oh, it's heaven! One quick trip downstairs and I have all the treats I want. You're like Willy Wonka but hotter.

Luke: I am not hotter than Willy Wonka.

Lorelai: Slap on a purple top hat and you're close.

482-[on the phone]

Lorelai: Oh, you know what? I have someone standing abnormally close to me right now. I'll call you later.

Rory: Okay, say hi to Kirk for me.

484-[after Logan's prank in front of her class]

Rory: I have no words...

Logan: It was just a joke!

Rory: Oh, no, wait. I thought of some. Jerk! Ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat-boy, low-life, butt-face, miscreant!

Logan: 'Butt-faced miscreant'!

Rory: Why would you do something like that?

Logan: I'm sorry, 'butt-faced miscreant'?

-"But Not as Cute as a Pushkin"

485-Dean: [Dean enters Kim's antiques] Hello? Lane are you here?

Mrs. Kim: [Mrs. Kim pops out from behind a piece of furniture] Who are you? Why you call Lane? How you know her? You date her?

Dean: No.

Mrs. Kim: You try to?

Dean: No!

Mrs. Kim: Then Why you here? Empty your pockets!

Dean: OK. I'm gonna go now.

Lane: Dean! Wait! Wait!

Mrs. Kim: Who's Dean?

Dean: I'm Dean.

Mrs. Kim: How you know Dean?

Lane: We go to school together.

Mrs. Kim: You do?

Dean: Yeah, we're science partners.

Mrs. Kim: You! Don't talk!

[to Lane]

Mrs. Kim: Science Partners?

Lane: Yes mamma. I've invited him over to work.

Mrs. Kim: Work?

Lane: On our science project.

Mrs. Kim: [Suspiciously] Reproduction?

Lane: Spores, molds and fungus.

Mrs. Kim: Science Project?

Lane: Yes.

Mrs. Kim: For School? You're not dating?

Lane: No mamma.

Mrs. Kim: Ok. Follow me.

[She leads them to the kitchen]

Mrs. Kim: [To Dean] You! Sit here!

[To Lane]

Mrs. Kim: You! Sit here! I'm going there. When I come back these chairswill be in the same place. No moving! You understand?

[She walks away but turns back to Lane and Dean]

Mrs. Kim: I See All!

486-[Lorelai is organizing a wedding at the Independence Inn for two bratty twin brides, and their mother is getting stressed]

Mrs. Shales: [to Lorelai] Do you have children?

Lorelai: I have a daughter.

Mrs. Shales: Do you hate her?

Lorelai: No.

Mrs. Shales: Not ever?

Lorelai: Well, I wasn't wildly fond of her during labor.

Mrs. Shales: That was the high point for me.

487-[Miss Patty's ballerinas are practicing walking around with books on their heads]

Miss Patty: Now, walk smooth. That's the new Harry Potter on your heads. If they should drop, Harry will die, and there won't be anymore books.

488-Customer: I've been waiting for 10 minutes!

Luke: Sorry, not even close to the record.

489-Dean: Wanna hammer something?

Rory: Always.

490-Rory: [into phone] And then he showed up with a black eye.

Lorelai: [into phone] A black guy?

Rory: [into phone] No, eye!

491-French Businessman: [walks up to the front desk] Bonjour, monsieur. Vous êtes Français? Vous parlez Français?

[Hello, sir. Are you French, do you speak French?]

Michel: No, sorry.

French Businessman: Mais vous avez une accent Français. Vous parlez pas Français?

[but you have a French accent. Don't you speak French?]

Michel: Sir, I'm just a simple country boy from Texas. I do not understand this "Français" business you're babbling about.

Lorelai: [approaches] Pardon.

[takes Michel aside]

Lorelai: He knows you are not from Texas.

Michel: [looking over at the businessmen] Smile when you say that.

Lorelai: Michel, I told you there would be a French group here for a couple of days, and it's your job to keep them happy.

Michel: Lorelai, I don't know how many French people you've met over the years, but most of them are insufferable.

Lorelai: [sarcastically] Really?

Michel: Mm. That is why I left France.

Lorelai: Huh. I thought it had something to do with the torches and the villagers. Michel, talk to them.

Michel: Never.

[turns away from Lorelai, she just glares at him]

Michel: You are giving me that look, aren't you? Your patented "Do it or something unspeakable shall befall you" look.

[pause, sighs]

Michel: Fine, I shall be French, but I shall not be happy.

Lorelai: Then you will be yourself. Good choice.

Michel: [trudges over to the businessmen] Bonjour, messieurs. Je m'appelle Michel, ce soir pour vous aider.

[Hello, gentlemen, my name is Michel, I am here to assist you]

French Businessman: [laughs] Vous avez fait un blague toût á l'heure! Très drôle, très drôle, Michel!

[you played a joke just now! Very funny, very funny!]

French Businessman: [kisses both his cheeks]

Michel: [pretends to laugh, to Lorelai] Kill me now.

492-Michel: There's a man with a funny accent on the phone asking for you.

Lorelai: Really? Did you guys exchange the secret handshake?

493-Emily: Well, I had this wonderful idea. Christopher's parents are in town too. You remember Straub and Francine don't you?

Lorelai: Ah yes - the Schnickelfritzes.

Emily: The who?

Lorelai: The Hayden's.

494-Lorelai: Are you two completely out of your mind? There is a ceremony going on in there. Young girls in ugly dresses and stupid fans are parading around in circles for God knows what reason, and you two are ruining it.

495-Rory: Uhh, Barry Manilow.

Lorelai: Ugh, stop.

Rory: Looks like we made it...

Lorelai: Oh, yeah? Spice Girls.

Rory: Duran Duran.

Lorelai: Dido.

Rory: Olivia Newton John.

Lorelai: The Macarena. You and Lane for hours and hours, for weeks on end.

Rory: Hey, we were mocking. You can't mock the mocking.

Lorelai: All right. It's getting ugly. Let's stop.

Rory: Let's be friends again.

Lorelai: All right.

Rory: Hmm-hmm.

Lorelai: Stop it.

496-Lorelai: I thought all butlers' names were Jeeves.

497-Kirk: Man, I wish my mom would let me have a car, or a bike... or my roller skates back.

498-Sookie: [to Lorelai about Luke] He has had to watch you go from one guy to another, and then the engagement was on, and then the engagement was off, and patiently, he's waited. And in walks this kid and he says "My God, will she date anyone else in the world before she'll date me?"

499-Kirk: Where are the carrot sticks? Every lunch has carrot sticks! I love carrot sticks, especially the crinkle cut kind.

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

500-Lorelai: Oh! One of them has seen Ghostbusters a hundred and twenty-seven times.

[sarcastic]

Lorelai: Can you say score?

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

501-Lorelai: Women don't eat at all. They just look at food then jump on the treadmill.

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

502-Kirk: Twelve brothers and sisters! The only one without a basket? Me!

Jackson: You better be as pathetic as you sound.

Kirk: You bet.

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

503-Lorelai: Not fair! I made this! I will now precede to pout!

Luke: I'll bring back brownies.

Lorelai: Ooh, the pouting has left the building.

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

504-[Jess and Rory are walking to that bridge thing and Jess sits down]

Jess: I like this place.

Rory: Wow. A place in Stars Hollow you actually like.

Jess: And it has so many memories... see over there?

[points]

Jess: That's where Luke pushed me in.

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

505-Paris: [talking to her maid in Portuguese about eating at Rory's] Mucho Mac n' cheese!

506-Rory: Whoa, Logan, where are we going? Slow down!

Logan: You slow down, you die.

Rory: Yeah, you go to fast in heels and you kind of die, also.

507-Richard: Has anyone ever told you to picture the audience in their underwear?

Rory: Yes.

Richard: Don't do it. I tried it once and had nightmares for weeks. Bulgarians in Speedos.

508-Paris: Sick people freak me out.

Rory: You're pre-med!

509-Mrs. Kim: [talking to relative at a Kim wedding] Ming-Jei. Look good. Lost weight. Not so fat.

510-Luke: You're not a contractor, you're a craftsman!

T.J.: Wow. I'm a craftsman! Like Jesus!

511-Paris: I could really call you?

Lorelai: Anytime. Anywhere.

Paris: I'm gonna hold you to that.

Lorelai: Okay. It's not a threat, sweetie if someone makes the offer willingly.

512-Rory: [at town meeting, during the town-troubadour debate] ... sometimes you have something you need to say but you can't, because the words won't come out or you get scared or you feel stupid. So, if you could write a song and sing it, then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself. But all of us can't be songwriters, so some of us will never be able to say what we're thinking or what we want other people to know we're thinking, so we'll never be able to get the chance to make things right again...

513-Sookie: I got the idea in a dream. I was back in cooking school, and I was late for my final, so I run over to an oven and I open it up and sitting there is the s'mores wedding cake. And I present it to my teacher, and he starts weeping, and the whole class starts applauding and cheering. And then, of course, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise come leaping out of the cake screaming about how amazing it is, so that made the whole thing a little creepy, but up until then...

514-Lorelai: [on Michel] He's snarky.

Sookie: And sarcastic.

Lorelai: He's snarkastic.

515-Logan: You can do anything. You just have to believe in yourself. Did we learn nothing from "Mad Hot Ballroom"?

516-Lorelai: So, how was your Spring Break getaway?

Rory: It was interesting, you know. We sat on the beach, went to a club, watched the Power of Myths, Paris and I kissed...

Lorelai: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop. You watched the Power of Myths? I hid that from you.

517-Lorelai: [while on the phone with each other, Lorelei and Rory are watching their Roombas together] Is this more or less fun than watching the same TV show at the same time?

Rory: I think more.

Lorelai: If we were to die right now and decompose, they would vacuum us up. No one would ever know.

Rory: Freaky.

518-Lorelai: Brazzlefrat.

519-Lorelai: Rory took a break from Yale.

Christopher: And the apocalypse is this week? Next week?

520-[Kirk is preparing for a date, and wants to get the best seat at Luke's]

Kirk: Say I was Tom Cruise. Where would you seat me?

Luke: In an acting class.

521-Rory: Ishkabibble.

522-Lorelai: Stop saying "mother" like that.

Rory: Like what?

Lorelai: Like there should be another word after it.

523-Lorelai: Well, as Maid of Honor, if you're not there I'm gonna have to get drunk and make out with the best man, who is Rory, so you can see all the very creepy ramifications of your absence here.

-"Wedding Bell Blues"

524-Lorelai: [to Rory] You've got Bambi voice.

525-Michel: Every day that you breathe you make my life harder.

526-Christopher: Who could not like being kissed by a Gilmore girl?

527-Rory: [on phone with Lorelai] I told you to call my landline. My cell phone bill is astronomical.

Lorelai: But a conversation with me - priceless.

528-[Lorelai and Rory haven't seen each other in a while because of their busy schedules, and are talking on the phone about it]

Lorelai: I'm mad and needy, and I ended up going out to dinner alone with my parents, who bickered the whole time about which Beatle is alive and which is dead.

Rory: So, where'd they land?

Lorelai: John and Keith are dead. Paul and Bingo are still kicking.

529-[Lorelai is bummed over an argument with Luke and doesn't know what to do with her evening]

Rory: Mom, you have to do something.

Lorelai: I need a suggestion.

Rory: Have you read "The Bell Jar"?

Lorelai: [gasps] Not funny!

530-Luke: [rushing to leave the diner so he can remove the chuppah from Lorelai's yard after she and Max break up] Hey, we're closing early! Chew it or lose it!

531-Richard: Lorelai?

Lorelai: Yes, Dad?

Richard: May I speak to you for a moment?

Michel: [under his breath; in a sing-song voice] Someone is in trouble.

532-Lane: [upset and exasperated with the results of her career aptitude test] Sales!

Rory: Lane.

Lane: Sales!

Rory: It's just a stupid test.

Lane: Lane Kim, you show a genuine aptitude for sales!

Rory: [trying to placate Lane] It doesn't mean anything!

Lane: [speaking even faster than normal] Hello, ma'am, I see you're eyeing the new Whipomatic! Nice Choice! This baby's right off the truck! And let me tell you if you're looking for something to fulfill all your whipping needs, you've come to the right place, because as Devo says, "When trouble comes along you must whip it!" As long as you whip it with a Whipomatic.

Rory: [bemused] Wow, you are good.

Lane: Stop it!

Rory: I'll take two.

Lane: I don't want to be in sales.

Rory: You don't have to be.

Lane: I want to be in something cool!

Rory: How about refrigerators?

Lane: You're not funny!

533-Jess: A solution? A solution would be birth control but it's a little late for that!

534-Luke: He's a grown man with an etch-a-sketch!!

Jess: Well shake him and maybe he'll disappear!!

535-Sookie: And the giant paper mache mushrooms…

Lorelai: Giant paper mache mushrooms?

Sookie: For the midgets dressed as angels to dance under silly!!

536-Sookie: I've got to call Belgium, Oslo, Bora Bora…

Lorelai: What'd you order from there?

Sookie: I'm gonna shield you from that one!

Lorelai: Gee! Thanks!!

537-Jess: The basket buyer wins the company of the basket-maker. (Holds up basket) Basket, (points to Rory) Basket maker, (points to Dean) Guy who didn't bring enough money!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

538-Emily: Next you're going to suggest that I go to a psychiatrist!

Lorelai: Too many comebacks! Can't pick!!

539-Lorelai: Evidently Hug-A-World wants to visit the world!

Rory: What?

Lorelai: Look! It's moving! Evidently something other than Canadians live there!

Rory: Ew! and I hugged it! I need to take a shower! (Runs into the house)

Lorelai: Hey maybe Lane and her band can use the kitchen! We don't use that either!!

540-Lorelai: I can't lay off any more people! But I still had Frank so I asked Michel to do it!

Sookie: Is he gonna be nice?

Lorelai: He said he would and then he skipped off to do it! So how's it going in here?

Sookie: Well good! But there was the time that I bent down to see what he was doing and after a long, long while I realized my hand was on his butt!

Lorelai: Sookie! (Pause) So how was it?

Sookie: The butt? Great! Nice shape!

Luke: Will you two stop talking about my butt!!

541-Kyle: Hey guy's! You drop a chip, you pick it up! It's common courtesy folks!

542-Lorelai: Bendlesnitch!!

543-Dean: He's here! He's breathing! It's enough!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

544-Lorelai: It's great isn't it? Women make a basket and get their men to bid on it and the world rotates backwards on its axis!

Rory: I kinda like it!

Lorelai: That's because you have a pretty boy to bid on your basket! You did tell Dean to eat first right?

Rory: I love him! Of course I did!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

545-Lorelai: He's good! He's very good!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

546-Taylor: Sold to the nice young hoodlum in the back!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

547-Lorelai: I'm trying to think of a way that this is positive!

Rory: Anything?

Lorelai: Well No one's head is on fire!

Rory: I guess I should go talk to Dean!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

548-Dean: You think this is funny?

Jess: Well it's not a comedy but it certainly has its moments!!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

549-Jess: Geez man! She's not shipping of to Vietnam!

Dean: You can shut-up now!!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

550-Rory: Dean you're my boyfriend! I would never do anything to hurt you!

Dean: Oh yeah? Well you're doing it now!!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

551-Lorelai: Only you can save me from the double pathetic!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

552-Lorelai: You rock!

-"A-Tisket, A- Tasket"

553-Sookie: I have thought about it! A lot! Our bathroom's gonna be pink!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

554-Jess: No underwater dining; Got it!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

555-Jess: Dean is an idiot!

Rory: Dean never would've fallen for that!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

556-Lorelai: Want a fry?

Luke: Carrot?

Lorelai: Impossible!

Luke: Right back at ya!!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

557-Lorelai: Yes Jess has a few issues! But, hon, that's Rory!!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

558-Rory: Why are you only nice to me?

Jess: See screwing with Dean is a step to get here to be nice to you!

Rory: So it was a plan?!

Jess: I'm hungry! You hungry? How about pizza?

Rory: And evidently totally evasive!

Jess: You like pepperoni?

Rory: Why won't you answer me?!

Jess: We can get it on half! I don't care!

-"A-Tisket, A-Tasket"

559-Lorelai: It's from my mother.

Rory: What is it?

Lorelai: It's heavy. It must be her hopes and dreams for me.

Rory: I thought she discarded those years ago.

560-Christopher: I'm going to need a picture of this Jess so I don't accidentally rip the head off the wrong kid! 'Cause that would be bad!!

-"Teach Me Tonight"

561-Lorelai: It should be magical! There should be music playing and romantic lighting and a subtle build up to the popping of the big question! There should be a 1,000 yellow daisies and candles and a horse! I don't know what the horse is doing there unless you're riding it which seems a little over the top but still! It should be more than this!!

-"Love, Daisies and Troubadours"

562-Lorelai: I hate fighting with friends!

Rory: That's what enemies are for.

Lorelai: And God knows we have enough of those.

563-Rory: You seem to have a very firm grasp of the English language! You put together several full sentences, even using a couple of words that contain two or more syllables! And then my mother appears and suddenly we need a thought bubble over your head to understand what you're thinking! Can you tell me why that is?

Jess: The verbal thing comes and goes.

-"Lost and Found"

564-Lorelai: Right now this is the point in the horror movie when the entire audience is yelling 'Don't go in there!'

-"The Pilot"

565-Lorelai: Rory, honey, do you understand that the Gilmores do nothing without strings? Strings are attached to everything!

Rory: There are no strings! I just have to pay then back starting five years after I graduate and I have to start going back to Friday Night Diners!

Lorelai: Um, hello Pinocchio those are strings!!

-"Those are Strings Pinocchio"

566-Lorelai: What is this? A Henry James novel where the young lady acts up and her family ships her off to Europe?

567-Lorelai: I've been testing people who have 'Honk' bumper stickers, to see if they really want you to honk!

Rory: You really need a new hobby!

Lorelai: Yes, actually!

568-Lorelai: I just thought of anew reality show! You pull over those people with the 'Honk' bumper stickers and make them do what it says whether they like it or not!

569- Emily: I have a surprise for you!!

Lorelai: The rest of the house ran away?!

570- Rory: "It's my mother's name, too. She named me after herself. She was lying in the hospital thinking about how men name

boys after themselves all the time, you know, so why couldn't women? She says her feminism just kind of took over.

Though personally I think a lot of Demerol also went into that decision. I never talk this much."

-"The Pilot"

571-Dean "Every day. After school you come out and you sit under that tree there and you read. Last week it was Madame Bovary. This week it's Moby Dick."

Rory "But why would you-"

Dean "You're nice to look at, and because you've got unbelievable concentration. Last Friday these two guys were tossing around a ball and one guy nailed the other right in the face. I mean, it was a mess, blood everywhere, the nurse came out, the place was in chaos, his girlfriend was all freaking out, and you just sat there and read. I mean, you never even looked up. I thought, 'I have never seen anyone read so intensely before in my entire life. I have to meet that girl'." -"The Pilot"

572-Rory"Are you my new daddy?"

- "The Pilot"

573-Rory"I'm gonna be in a Britney Spears video?"

- "The Pilot"

574-Lorelai:"So tell me about the guy. No, really, are you embarrassed to bring him home?"

Rory: "I'm not embarrassed."

Lorelai: "Does he talk at all?"

- "The Pilot"

575-Max Medina: "Hi this is a message for Rory. It's Max Medina calling. I just wanted to say that I talked to Headmaster Charleston or 'il duce' as he's more affectionately know at the Gilmore household, and he's agreed to let you do some extra credit work to help make up for the missed test today. Now I'm not sure what the extra credit work is yet, but it probably will be time consuming and extremely painful. It will however get you back up to where you rightfully belong Rory, don't lose heart. Make this work. And if you're mother is listening, Lorelai it was a pleasure encountering you. I hope it happens again. Anyways, see you in class."

- "The Deer Hunters"

576-Max Medina: "You like coffee? Can we drink some together? A sort of pre-date. Very casual, no strings, no obligations. We'll just see if it's even worth going down the road of including food in the deal. Just coffee."

Lorelai: "I'm going to be in town tomorrow because I take a class at Hartford State and there's a coffee shop across the street that I sometimes, almost all the time, go to around 4:00 and usually exactly 4:12. I could not stop a person from entering said establishment around that time, nor would I avoid them if I knew them if they did."

- "Cinnamon's Wake"

577-Emily: "This is a serious problem. These Friday dinners are the only proper food that child eats all week."

Richard: "Rory, are you in any way malnourished or in need of some international relief organization to recruit a celebrity to raise money on your account?"

- "Love and War and Snow"

578-Max Medina: "At some point in your life you're gonna have to decide that some guy is worth opening that front door for. I am just volunteering."

- "Love and War and Snow"

579-Max Medina: "You are like a mythological creature that casts some kind of spell on me and makes me act stupid. I'm not stupid. I don't act stupid with anyone else."

580-Lorelai: "What's going on?"

Michel: "Am I or am I not the head man in charge of floral deliveries?"

Lorelai: "Yes, and one of the few men I know who would proudly declare that fact."

Michel: "Daisies no less. As if I would order these pitiful little things. Foul things, these daisies. And just a notch up from weeds. And look how many. I mean, there must be at least-"

Kirk: "A thousand of them! A thousand yellow daisies."

- "Love, Daisies and Troubadours"

581-Luke: "Where you gonna live? ...Hartford's probably good, closer to Rory's school... Of course, it is a little far from the inn... But who knows how long you'll work after you're married... Oh, but you probably already talked about that, right?"

Lorelai: "Uh, no, but I do think he and my father have come to an agreement on how many goats I'm worth."

Luke: "Hey, I'm just talking here. It's great, really. You gonna have more kids?"

- "Sadie, Sadie"

582-Lorelai: "Honey, someday when you're a little older you will be introduced to something that is extremely seductive but fickle. A fair-weather friend who seems benign but packs a wallop like a donkey kick, and that is the Long Island iced tea. The Long Island iced tea makes you do things that you normally wouldn't do, like lifting your skirt in public or calling someone you normally wouldn't call at really weird times."

- "Red Light on the Wedding Night"

583-Lorelai: "It's a long story. I don't really wanna go into all the whats and whys and gory details right now... and to figure out exactly what happened, you'd have to dig up Freud himself and have him work on me full time."

-"The Road Trip to Harvard"

584-Luke: "You're the most confident person I know. Obnoxiously so. You're good at what you do and you know it."

Lorelai: "I'm good at doing what I have to do. When I had to get a job, I got it. When I had to find a house for us and a life for us, I got it. When I had to get Rory into Chilton, I did it. But I don't have to leave the Independence Inn. I don't have to go into business for myself."

-"The Ins and Outs of Inns"

585-Mia: "You sure you don't want some tea? Tea usually makes things like this a little less awkward. There's things to hold and stir."

-"The Ins and Outs of Inns"

586-Lorelai: "How often do you get to see teenagers speak iambic pentameter and kill themselves?"

- "Run Away, Little Boy"

587-Sookie: "He has had to watch you go from one guy to another, and then the engagement, and then the engagement was off, and patiently he's waited. And now in walks this kid and he says, 'My God, will she date anyone else in the world before she'll date me?'"

-"Run Away, Little Boy"

588-Rory:"I'm getting a little creeped out here... This is a cold, cold family."

-"Richard in Stars Hollow"

589-Henry: "How can I break up with you? I've never been out with you."

Lane: "Well yeah, but that's what today was supposed to be, a date."

Henry: "A date where we need a secret plan and a two-honk drive by and a decoy cousin?"

-"A Tisket, A Tasket"

590-Lorelai: "But my question is, how did that happen? How was it that suddenly everyone in the world was saying 'music has charms to soothe the savage beast' when it was written breast."

-"It Should've Been Lorelai"

591-Sherry: "I'm gonna have to drink a lot of coffee to keep up with you two."

-"It Should've Been Lorelai"

592-Emily: "Richard, you didn't even notice your own granddaughter isn't here?"

Richard: "She's so quiet she sometimes slips in unnoticed. She should work for the CIA."

-"It Should've Been Lorelai"

593-Rory: "I mean, we're not good friends but we're friends. We're friendly... Friendish might be a better term."

-"Lost and Found"

594-Paris: "I don't know what anything means anymore. I mean, I can't even read my own handwriting. What does this say? The person who wrote this should be dressed in a clown suit stuffing bodies under their porch."

-"There's The Rub"

595-Emily: "We have not been waiting forever."

Lorelai: "Godot was just here. He said 'I ain't waiting for Richard,' grabbed a roll, and left. It's been forever."

-"Back in the Saddle Again"

596-Emily: "When we gather as a family, we eat as a family. We don't eat in shifts."

Lorelai: "You know, you're bound by the rules of the Geneva Convention, Mother, just like everyone else."

-"Back in the Saddle Again"

597-Louise: "Someone's not taking to Elba too kindly."

Paris: "What does that mean?"

Louise: "Just that Rory's the leader of this group, Napoleon, and you're not."

-"Back in the Saddle Again"

598-Rory: "If we were gazelles, we'd be the first ones eaten at the watering hole."

Lorelai: "Well, be thankful we're not gazelles. Now go take your shower. You're starting to look like you're starring in an independent film."

-"Help Wanted"

599-Sookie: "He's not much of a morning person... It takes him about an hour to become Jackson."

-"Lorelai's Graduation Day"

600-Rory: "Why'd you turn the car off?"

Lorelai: "I'm just getting the sense that I shouldn't be driving a large vehicle when you tell me this."

-"Let The Games Begin"

601-Jess: "You sure you don't want a soda?"

Rory: "Yeah, I'm sure."

Jess: "Please let me get you a soda. I gotta do something other than stand here like a moron."

-"Let The Games Begin"

602-Rory: "Are you going to talk to him?"

Lorelai: "I'll at least match him grunt for grunt."

Rory: "Okay. Now, let's say he's in the house and there's a fire, and you can either save him or your shoes - which is it?"

Lorelai: "That depends - did he start the fire?"

-"Let The Games Begin"

603-Rory: "I'm so tired of fighting. Or not even fighting because he won't fight. He just gets mad and disappears and then comes back and I don't like how I feel and I don't like what I do."

604-Jess: "Dean started it... He sucker punched me and I was just defending myself."

Luke: "Oh, apparently you defended yourself all the way through the house and out into the front yard. You defended yourself with a chair that is now broken. You defended yourself with a coffee table."

-"Say Goodnight Gracie"

605-Luke: "Let me plant this little thought in your head - you do or say anything to upset Jess and make it harder for me to keep him on the right path, I'm gonna put your head through a wall. Any wall, you can pick the wall, but it's gonna be a wall, okay?"

606-Jimmy: "You know, when you left home, were the cops after you?"

Jess: "No."

Jimmy: "No 'cause they shouldn't be or no 'cause they haven't found the head yet?"

607-Miss Celine: "Oh my God, it's Audrey Hepburn. You're Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina. Just a waif with eyes."

608-Rory: "I made out a schedule. Every single moment of every single day from now until graduation is accounted for."

610-Rory: "I live in two worlds. One is a world of books. I've been a resident of Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha County, hunted the white whale aboard the Pequod, fought alongside Napoleon, sailed a raft with Huck and Jim, committed absurdities with Ignatius J. Reilly, rode a sad train with Anna Karenina, and strolled down Swann's Way. It's a rewarding world, but my second one is by far superior. My second one is populated with characters slightly less eccentric but supremely real, made of flesh and bone, full of love, who are my ultimate inspiration for everything."

-"Those Are Strings, Pinocchio"

611-Rory: "I humiliate myself at least six times a year for this town, and just because I'm going to Yale, that's not going to stop. Now the reason I am not the Ice Cream Queen is because Taylor never asked me. I didn't know about it, and that's why I was busy. Now I love this town, I will be back in that ridiculous pilgrim outfit at Thanksgiving, so everybody just get off my back."

-"Ballrooms and Biscotti"

612-Rory: "Are you listening to me? I can't leave. She won't let me leave ever. This is Iran in '79 and you are Jimmy Carter. What do we do?"

-"Ballrooms and Biscotti"

613-Rory: "My grandmother broke into our room and furnished it..."

-"The Hobbit, the Sofa and Digger Stiles"

614-Sookie: "Hey, talk to a boy. A boy will be nice to you."

-"Chicken or Beef"

615-Kyle: "I'm in the Navy now, you know. My older cousins did two-year stints. It paid for their college and stuff, so I joined up. Of course, we weren't fighting international skirmishes on two or three dangerous fronts like we are now..."

-"Chicken or Beef"

616-Luke: "Stop doing that. Looking at me. You're watching me watch the movie. It's creepy."

Lorelai: "I enjoy watching people watch certain parts of certain movies."

Luke: "But you look over just before something big happens, so I always know something's coming."

-"The Fundamental Things Apply"

617-Luke: "Dating. It's a horror."

Lorelai: "It's the only cure for the singleness thing, barring ordering a spouse off the internet."

Luke: "If I had dated a lot, I'd still be single. I'd just have spent a lot of bad nights at Tony Roma's."

-"The Fundamental Things Apply"

618-Rory: "Talk to me about Jason."

Lorelai: "There's nothing to talk about."

Rory: "Oh, come on. I'm in a serious romantic dry spell. I need to live vicariously through somebody."

-"Ted Koppel's Big Night Out"

619-Rory: "I find nothing exciting before eleven."

-"Ted Koppel's Big Night Out"

620-Lorelai: "The plural of cul-de-sac is culs-de-sac? That doesn't even sound like English."

Rory: "That's because it's French."

-"The Nanny and the Professor"

621-Lorelai: "Now I know who Woody Allen's next leading lady's gonna be."

-"The Nanny and the Professor"

622-Lane: "As we speak, I am working on the perfect alibi. I've come up with lots of, you know, mid-afternoon and evening alibis, but so far no 1:00 AM alibis... I'll come up with something. My entire life has been a training session for this very event."

-"In the Clamor and the Clangor"

623-Jason: "How about you taking me to that place you're always talking about. What is it... Duke's?"

-"A Family Matter"

624-Rory: "That had all the tact of a Nazi storm trooper."

-"A Family Matter"

625-Lorelai: "Man, I love e-mail. Every day Rory and I write each other multiple times. It's great."

Luke: "You enjoy typing to people more than talking to them?"

Lorelai: "Wrong perspective. E-mail is a return to the romantic days of letter writing. It's pure Dickens."

-"Scene in a Mall"

626-Jason: "I have a gigantic bottle of vodka at my place - the largest bottle of vodka known to man."

Lorelai: "But what will you drink?"

Jason: "Gin."

-"Tick, tick, tick, boom!"

627-Jason: "I'm fine. In a weird way, my father trying to destroy me is the first time I've ever gotten any real respect out of him."

-"Tick, tick, tick, boom!"

628-Jason: "I'm officially taking the one hour I have off to go to the driving range to hit golf balls to try to improve my sucky game, thereby redeeming myself in your father's eyes."

Lorelai: "I like the use of 'sucky' and 'thereby' in the same sentence."

-"Afterboom"

629-Rory: "So, how's World War III going?"

Lorelai: "Oh, you know, the first boys off the boat were mowed down, but the next platoon is moving in."

Rory: "Which means?"

Lorelai: "Jason's making the lawsuit go away."

-"Afterboom"

630-Doyle: "I was here to cover the reading for the paper to go along with the review of the book. And then I arrive only to realize that every single available girl at Yale is here, including four of my reporters."

-"Afterboom"

631-Rory: "I'm just saying that I want to earn all of my grades. No matter how many 'wise, willful, and wonderful women' I know."

-"Afterboom"

632-Lorelai: "Rory... right now is the point in the horror movie where the entire audience is yelling, 'Don't go in there.'"

-"Afterboom"

633-Lorelai: "The cats -- they know that I've broken up with Jason and that I'm alone and they've

decided it's time for me to become a crazy cat lady... they can see it in my face. 'She's single again. She couldn't make it work again. She picked the wrong guy again.'

-"Luke Can See Her Face"

634-Self Help Tape: "Whose phone calls or visits are never unwanted or too long? Do you see her face? Who would you most like to have in your life to ward off moments of loneliness? Do you see her face? When you travel, who would make your travels more enjoyable? Do you see her face?"

-"Luke Can See Her Face"

635-Lorelai: "Are you saying that 'sleeping with the zucchini' means..."

Sookie: "Jackson's sleeping with the zucchini... there's a potential cold front coming in from Canada."

Lorelai: "I'm so sorry, guys... for freaking out about dumb things like zucchini and not realizing that people would respond in very loving and nutty ways. This is not the way to do this."

-"Luke Can See Her Face"

636-Paris: "Rory, you've had quite the dry spell this year."

Rory: "I have not had a dry spell."

Paris: "There's not one picture of you with a guy."

-"Last Week Fights, This Week Tights"

637-Graham: "Lesson number one - when your mom or your grandmother starts trying to pin down your specific whereabouts at a specific time and place, and she's smiling kind of weird, begin evasive maneuvers immediately."

-"Last Week Fights, This Week Tights"

638-Mrs. Kim: "At Lane's, two boys, one with hair. And the place, broken furniture and dirt and boys and a broken window and boys... and a tiny fridge and guitars and boys. She stood in that room with two boys."

Lorelai: "Mrs. Kim, you know why the boys were there? She was trying to be up front with you, and that's good. She could have hid them from you, and she didn't. I've met those boys. They're innocent. As innocent as if she was living with two girls. So think of them that way... as two tall, gawky, caring, sometimes unwashed girls who are watching out for your daughter's safety."

Mrs. Kim: "Girls. Girls."

-"Last Week Fights, This Week Tights"

639-Luke: "I'll see you...before then, but I'll see you then, too."

Lorelai: "Yeah, I'll see you both of those thens."

-"Last Week Fights, This Week Tights"

640-Lorelai: "You gave me space? We broke up."

Jason: "I didn't look at it that way. I looked at it as a cooling-off period."

Lorelai: "How very revisionist of you."

-"Raincoats and Recipes"

641-Lorelai: "What are you doing?"

Luke: "Will you just stand still?"

-"Raincoats and Recipes"

642-Rory: "He's not a married guy. He's Dean - my Dean."

Lorelai: "He's not your Dean. He's Lindsay's Dean. You're the other woman."

Rory: "I told you, it's over."

Lorelai: "It's not over until he's out of the house with the ring off."

-"Raincoats and Recipes"

643-Rory: "Are you comfortable? Am I killing your arm?"

Dean: "My arm is fine."

Rory: "I could move."

Dean: "Don't you dare move."

Rory: "This right here, is the textbook definition of a perfect moment."

-"Say Goodbye to Daisy Miller"

644-Rory: "You know what I think we need? A song. Like a song that's 'our song'. Something romantic, but not mushy, something that will make us remember this... Okay. Perfect. So, from now on, no matter what you're doing, where you are, you'll stop and think of me when you hear this-" (Plays "The Candy Man" song from Willy Wonka)

Dean: "That's not gonna be our song."

Rory: "Why not? It's perfect. It's happy. It's hopeful. It has the word 'candy' in it." -"Say Goodbye to Daisy Miller"

645-Emily: "I am going to Europe, and I'm going to have a marvelous time. I'm going to get up at 10:00,

and I'm going to have two glasses of wine at lunch every single day."

Richard: "Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch!"

646-Michel: "That man is why mail-order brides were invented."

647-Lorelai: "It was a great kiss. If one of us had been a frog, it would have had some seriously impressive consequences."

648-Rory: "Once you get the hang of it, it's pretty easy to duplicate...Why are you whispering?"

Lane: "Because I just think that no matter where she is, my mom can hear this conversation."

649-Lorelai: "You're 19 now, remember? You're all grown up, and you can handle your own affairs. Sorry. That's a bad choice of words. You can handle your own life events."

650-Luke: "It's me again. I'm not sure if we're at the point in this relationship where you actually need to know that much information about my whereabouts, so if we're not, I'm sorry. I could have just said, "I'm going out of town, and I'll call you later." So I'm going out of town, and I'll call you later."

651-Luke: "Just...don't change your mind until I get back, okay?"

652-Lorelai: "Okay, I have got to know what was in that letter."

Rory: "I told him that that night was special and that I wasn't sorry that it happened. But he's married, and... he has to figure out his life. So I was going to make it easier for him and take myself out of the mix."

Lorelai: "Well, that was a very good letter."

-"A Messenger, Nothing More"

653-Lane: "I need to know if you think I'm in love with Zach, because a dirty trollop suggested it, and they're generally reliable about these things. She said something to me and gave me this sort of knowing, worldly look that seemed to suggest I was acting in a way that said I have a thing for Zach, or she was hitting on me."

654-Luke: "This town-"

Lorelai: "-is our town. This town is so glamorous".

655-Lorelai: "She gets very British when she's abroad... and you look very innocent and pretty."

-"A Messenger Nothing More"

656-Luke: "Those jeans are really working for you. They're working for me, too... That's all I can do right now. People are watching. But tonight I will give you my extremely positive views on other aspects of your being."

-"Written in the Stars"

657-Taylor: "A very serious matter has been brought to our attention, and I would like to bring to the floor for discussion the possible negative ramifications of the inn owner and diner owner dating. Now, as you all know, the relationship we have feared for some time has emerged, and we need to carefully consider whether or not we can support this."

658-Paris: "You're back with Farmer Boy? What gives? I thought he was married... You're going to be bringing boys home now. We need a system."

Rory: "I'm not bringing 'boys' home. I'm bringing 'boy' home. That boy - that's it."

Paris: "I mean, you look all small and squeaky, but sometimes, it's exactly the bunny-looking girls who can blow the roof off the barn. I know, just give me a three-minute warning."

-"Tippicanoe and Taylor Too"

659-Kirk: "If you need someone in charge of homeland security, I am your man."

-"Tippicanoe and Taylor Too"

660-Richard: "Actually, I've had a personal triumph of late. I've just finished the sixth and final volume of 'The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire'. I started it in 1968. So it took only, what?, 36 years to finish it. But by God, I finished it."

-"We Got Us A Pippi Virgin"

661-Luke: "He's not good enough for her."

Lorelai: "Well, who is? Jess?"

Luke: "No, not Jess. A prince, maybe. One that's in line to be king. Not one of those waiting-for-a-brother-to-die ones, but a real one. If not a prince, someone who's gonna be good for her. You know, Rory is like Pippi. She can have adventures and be free, she's smart. The whole world's waiting for her."

-"We Got Us A Pippi Virgin"

662-Doyle: "Man, I hate those kind of guys - those privileged, white males."

Rory: "Doyle, you're a privileged white male."

Doyle: "Well, he's more privileged. And way more whiter."

-"Norman Mailer, I'm Pregnant!"

663-Rory: "You'll mess it up! You'll mess everything up! Because every time you come back, it always ends up the same way. Mom's crying and you're not being there and I know it's not your fault, I know you don't mean it to be that way, but that's how it is."

664-Logan: "People can live a hundred years without really living for a minute. You climb up here with me, it's one less minute you haven't lived."

-"You Jump, I Jump Jack!"

665-Luke: "I sort of implied that I'm fond of the Greeks, so I have to read the Iliad and the Odyssey so we can chat about it."

666-Lorelai: "If it flew, swam or crawled on this earth we just ate it."

-"The Party's Over"

667-Rory: "The party is very nice, Grandma. I was just wondering, do your alumni friends have any daughters?"

668-Logan: "Lesson one in coping with painfully boring parties: form a sub-party."

669-Rory: "Tell me again why you're fasting for Ramadan?"

-"Emily Says Hello"

670-Minster: "You know Rory, being a young lady comes with many gifts. Your virtue, for example, is a gift, a precious gift, possibly the most precious gift you possess. You want to give this gift very carefully. It is a gift you can only give to one man. Once you give it, it's gone. You can't re-gift it. If you give it away too soon, to the wrong man, then when the right one does come along, you will have no gift to give. You'll have to buy him a sweater."

671-Rory: "You are becoming more and more like my mother's mother with every passing day."

672-Lorelai: "I feel so rich and suddenly in complete agreement with everything Bush has to say."

673-Lorelai: "There are times in your life when you have to do ridiculous things for money."

674-Lorelai: "Do not eat chips out of a communal bowl. You might as well stick your hand in a toilet. If you're desperate, offer to be the person who replenishes them with new bags and grab a handful out of the new bag and dump the rest in the communal bowl."

675-Lorelai: "Rory, my heart. It is Saturday, the day of rest."

Rory: "Sunday's the day of rest."

Lorelai: "No, Saturday is the day of pre-rest."

Rory: "Pre-rest?"

Lorelai: "Yeah, so that way when you actually get to Sunday you're rested enough to enjoy your rest."

676-Lorelai: "What was with those kids? So curious, so full of questions. Shouldn't their brains be completely fried on TV and video games by now?"

677-Emily: "Is there a problem?"

Lorelai: "Nothing Shakespeare couldn't turn into a really good play."

678-Emily: "Rory, your grandfather and I thought it might be nice after dinner for you to go around the house and pick out what you'd like us to leave you in our wills... You should have what you like. So look around and when you see something you like stick a Post-It on it."

679-Emily: "You can't even let Rory have one piece of our lives, even if it's her choice."

680-Emily: "Honestly, Lorelai. It's not your looks that keep them away. Think about that."

681-Rory: "How is my running with you gonna change anything?"

Paris: "Because people think you're nice. You're quiet, you say excuse me, you look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning. People don't fear you."

-"I Can't Get Started"

682-Rory: "What do you mean what? He just asked you out on a date."

Paris: "He did?"

Rory: "Yes."

Paris: "Did I accept?"

Rory: "Yes."

683-Paris: "I can't date. I'm not genetically set up for it."

684-Paris: "If I go there it's going to look like I went there just to be with him. Suddenly I'm Felicity without the hair issues and I'm not terribly comfortable with that."

685-Paris: "By the way, you know I ultimately do all these things for the good of mankind, right? Sometimes I don't think I come off that way."

686-Paris: "You don't want to go. You don't, it's not you."

Rory: "I have multiple personalities. It might be one of me."

-"Hammers and Veils"

687-Paris: "Marry rich."

-"Hammers and Veils"

688-Paris: "I'm sorry, have I ever been mistaken for a patient person?"

-"I Can't Get Started"

689-Rory: "I know I'm not the first one to say it to you, but you're insane."

Paris: "Okay, look, I know you and me, we..."

Rory: "Shouldn't be around each other armed."

690-Rory: "I think she periodically makes a whirring noise and then just shuts down."

691-Paris: "We've been sitting here for an hour and have sold eight tickets... Unbutton your top. Teenage boys are controlled by one thing. Unbutton your top."

Lorelai: "No.

Paris: "Well, me doing it isn't going to help any."

Lorelai: "Paris, you need to relax. You need to stop worrying. You need to stop obsessing. You need to stop looking at my boobs."

692-Paris: "Uh, what are you doing?"

Lorelai: "I'm giving you a hug... Just give into it, baby. Come on, you can do it. That a girl. Unclench the fists, Paris. Unclench the fists. Yeah, there you go."

693-Rory: "How was I supposed to know you were gonna jump out of your seat like a maniac?"

Paris: "You know me. You room with me. You should have known."

-"Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doing the Twist"

694-Paris: "This is the kind of cold you read about in a Dickens novel. We should be in a workhouse or shilling for Fagin... It's been the coldest winter in the history of winter."

-"Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doing the Twist"

695-Lorelai: "Don't drink. And after you're done not drinking, drink tons of water and take two aspirin before you go to bed. And take Paris with you everywhere. Not much can happen with that girl along."

-"Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doing the Twist"

696-Paris: "That was subtle."

Rory: "What are you talking about?"

Paris: "The Joanie loves Chachi moment."

Rory: "He said 'hey'. I said 'hey' back. I was being polite."

Paris: "In Burma, you'd be married...or brutally killed."

-"Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doing the Twist"

697-Paris: "Come on... go. Flirting seems to be a very big part of this spring break ritual, and I'm taken. I can't flirt. I have to live vicariously through you."

-"Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doing the Twist"

698-Paris: "Look around. Every single person in this place is having a better time than we are. Why? I mean, we've been doing everything everybody else is."

-"Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doing the Twist"

699-Rory: "When Paris is happy the whole world is happy, but when she's not happy, the whole world is 'Deadwood'."

700-Michel: "I'm running out of French curse-words that they won't understand."

701-Michel: "The one on the left is Matt. The one on the right is Mark... I'm very good at observing people, you know, learning the tics and traits, sound of their voices. It's a gift."

Lorelai: "That one has a Post-It on its back."

Michel: "Oh, well, then that's Mark. The one on the right is Matt."

702-Michel: "After working six hours longer than I usually work and performing tasks I despise and am ashamed of, and now I am going home to wash off the stench of this horrifying day."

-"I Can't Get Started"

703-Lorelai: "Hey, how is it out there?"

Michel: "It is cold and gray like a fat dead pigeon."

-"Love and War and Snow"

704-Sookie: "He should've just driven it out on a monster truck. He's shamelessly catering to his demographic."

705-Lane: "Oh no! It just figures that the only Korean boy at this party has his Korean girl radar turned on."

706-Lane: "He's jealous. Oh my God, he's jealous, that's so great! ...I've never made a guy jealous before. I feel so powerful."

Rory: "Just remember, there's cute jealous and there's Othello."

707-Lane: "That is not Dave Rygalski. I mean, not the one that I'm in a band with. That is Dave Rygalski, local Christian guitar player that my mom and I met very briefly and innocently at the dance marathon, and that I coincidentally ran across again when I found his ad seeking Christian guitar accompaniment gigs up on our church bulletin board. I even put the fake ad up at church and pretended to find it with my mom next to me."

Lorelai: "So, are you guys dating?"

Lane: "We're laying the groundwork."

-"A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving"

708-Mrs. Kim: "Watch it. You break it, you buy it. Ten percent off for cousins, twenty percent off for nephews and nieces."

-"A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving"

709-Madeline: "How are his friends?"

Louise: "Yes. Is there spin-off potential?"

710-Kirk: "By the way, I think you might be the prettiest girl I've ever seen."

711-Jess: "It's been four hours. Go home."

Kirk: "It's boring at home. My TV's broken."

Jess: "So do something else."

Kirk: "Like what?"

Jess: "Read a book."

Kirk: "What book?

Jess: "Any book."

Kirk: "I'm gonna need a suggestion."

Jess: "Moby Dick.

Kirk: "That's about the whale?"

Jess: "Yes."

Kirk: "No. What else?"

Jess: "Forget it, just sit there."

Kirk: "Okay."

712-Kirk: "Ladies, gentlemen, honored guests. Who owns the silver Volvo because you're blocking me in?"

-"I Can't Get Started"

713-Taylor: "I come to announce to one and all that the day we all thought would never get here has arrived."

Kirk: "The Day of Reckoning?"

714-Rory: because sometimes you have something you need to say but you can't because the words won't come out or you get scared or you feel stupid, so, if you could write a song, and sing it, then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself, but, all of us can't be songwriters so some of us will never be able to say what we're thinking or what we want other people to know we're thinking so we'll never get the chance to make things right again,ever....so...give this guy, a license. -"Love, Daisies, and Troubadours"

715-Luke: What are you doing here?

Lorelai: Going through your underwear drawer!

Luke: Where's Rachel?

Lorelai: Freezing your bra!

-"Emily in Wonderland"

716-Lorelai: What's an Italian foot doing in French wine?

717-Luke: So she's a super intelligent chick with great physical and deductive skills?

Lorelai: Yes

Luke: Oh, this is not a chick I want to find.

718-Lorelai: Rune put a tip jar on the reservation desk. Michel tried to beat him senseless with the reservation book.

Rory: Oh yeah, How did that go?

Lorelai: Oh. Rune got away.

Rory: Really?

Lorelai: Well Michel can't run in new shoes!

719-Boostsey: Did you see the horses?

Luke: You mean the ones standing three feet from my face? Yeah I saw them!

720-Jess: What's the white stuff?

Luke: I think it's cream cheese.

Jess: What's the green stuff?

Luke: I think… it's best picked off.

721-Lorelai: Well I'm sorry! The termites were getting organized. I heard one of them yell 'Charge!'

722-Lorelai: Well how was it? Was there like a termite housing development under there? Golf courses and condos with rec. rooms?

Luke: Well actually it's not too bad!

Lorelai: Well what do you know? You flip burgers for a living!

723- (On Lorelai's drunken goodbye at Lane's wedding)

Sookie: Super Party People bid you Super Cool Adieu!

725- Lorelai: Why even make a Final Destination 3? And why not call it now you're really, really, really dead?!

726-Rory: I was in the process of getting together with a guy-

Aunthea: Getting together, getting together?

Rory: Yes, but there was an interruption.

Aunthea: Who?

Rory: Mom… then dad… then mom's boyfriend!

Janet: Ooo! Poor guy!

727-Lorelai: Lorelai Gilmore. Disappointing mothers since 1968.

728-Rory: What are they doing?

Lane: The ritual of 108 bows.

Rory: More like 108 ows! Ha! My mother would've liked that one!

729-Rory: He says "T.P.T.D.I!"

Lorelai: What?!

Rory: Totally psyched to do it!

Lorelai: Oh! He's making up his own anagrams!? How sad!

730-Lorelai: Wow! A Friday night dinner without Ava and Adolf!

Rory: It's really not fair to call Grandpa Adolf!

Lorelai: No! No! That was grandma!

731-Rory: So why don't you shut your mouth and keep in the warm air!

Lorelai: Oh that's hostel! (Pauses and closes mouth) But totally helpful! Thank you!

732-Lorelai: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go be nauseous up front!

-"Super Cool Party People"

733-Lorelai: Forget it kid! Grandma and Grandpa have gone bye-bye!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

734-Rory: We get to go at my speed!

Logan: Kay! Wake me when we get to the door!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

735-Michel: Kiss my tush!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

736-Lorelai: Insert gasp here.

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

737-Jackson: I told them to weed the back field! They never were the brightest!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

738-Logan: Doc, can I just go to your house? I think I'd have more fun!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

739-Liz: "What comes my way!" philosophy.

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

740-Logan: What are you doing here?

Paris: Watching you.

Logan: Oh yay!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

741-Logan: Oh goodie! A matching set!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

742-Doyle: Mi shoulder es su shoulder.

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

743-Richard: It's the most boring state! As I flew in I think I saw one of the heads on Mount Rushmore yawn!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

744-Emily: I don't remember being in labor for fourteen hours with anyone else!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

745-Paris: Patients choice!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

746-Rory: You've gone from white to off-white!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

747-Logan: Rory!

Rory: What?! Oh! You're walking!

Logan: All on my own! Aren't you proud of your boy!?

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

748-Emily: I think he had a gun in his pocket!

Lorelai: Maybe he was just happy to see you!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

749-Lorelai: The sun won't be able to find you in that hat! I think Frosty could hide in Miami!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

750-Lorelai: A little over dramatic!

Emily: My hearing is just fine Lorelai!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

751-Lorelai: I'm not use to driving a missile silo down the street!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

752-Lorelai: I'm in a tank pal! Come and get me!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

753-Richard: Where's my food?

Emily: The girls were fighting!

Richard: I told you not to serve spaghetti and meatballs! The girls always fight when we have spaghetti and meatballs!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

754-Lorelai: What? Did you get Clemenza to hide a gun in the bathroom first?

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

755-Rory: Can I interject for just a minute?

Lorelai: Go ahead! I dare you!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

756-Logan: And you have to stop talking about me like I'm not here!

Rory: Logan!

Logan: Mom!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

757-Paris: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Where ya goin' cowboy?!

Logan: Nature calls.

Paris: You can't get up! Rory says you need complete bed rest and I cannot betray that trust.

Logan: Then what's your suggestion for my current situation?

Paris: Use your bedpan! Where's your bedpan?

Logan: I don't have a bedpan!

Paris: You don't have a bedpan?! You got Tupperware?

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

758-Logan: You need to call off your sentries!

Rory: They're there for a reason!

Logan: To re-enact their favorite scenes from "Misery?"

Paris: You need to organize your kitchen!

Logan: yeah I'll get right on that!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

759-Logan: I've got Deena and Mooshu Abramowitz on top of me!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

760-Logan: I'll let him help me to the bathroom door and from there I need to be on my own!

Rory: Fine!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

761-Logan: The man was giving you a compliment! So can we get over it?

Rory: Never!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

762-Lorelai: No mom that's not a car! That's a rap set!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

763-Emily: This is my daughter Lorelai. She has headaches and tends to babble.

Maureen: Oh I'm sorry! Can I get you some aspirin?

Lorelai: No I'm good! I've had this headache for 38 years now!

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

764-Lorelai: What's that smell?

Sookie: 68 pounds of marijuana.

-"Driving Miss Gilmore"

765-Drella: Can't stand the talk! Love to watch the walk!

766-Logan: Okay that's a close-up of my naked butt! That's not a keeper!

767-Lorelai: What are you doing here?

Christopher: I was invited!

Lorelai: Shut-up! So was I!

768-Logan: At least I'm clothed in these!

Rory: Ah yes! Those shower ones will fetch me a bundle on the internet!

769-Jess: I can't stand poetry! It's like geez just say it already I'm dying here!

770-Lorelai: I haven't had clean underwear in 3 days!

Rory: And under your skirt now? (Pause) Ew!

Lorelai: It's nice and airy!

771-Rory: My mom's not wearing any underwear!

Lorelai: Rory!

Rory: Well your not!

(Pause)

Lorelai: And still they go!

772-Luke: No tip?!

Lorelai: Here's one- serve your customers!

Luke: Here's one- don't sit on any cold benches!

773-Lorelai: Yes but my watch stopped during a car accident and I had to save kittens, little children, and four baby chicks!

774-Lorelai: You know Dean?

Rory: My Boyfriend? Yes, Yes I do!

775-Lorelai: Who wants cheese?

Rory: And crackers

Lorelai: Somewhere in the state of Connecticut!

Rory: But in the Gilmore house?

776-Rory: We'll eat,

We'll talk,

We'll laugh!

What a time we'll have!

777- : If all of China walked by, the line would never end because of the rate of population increase.

-"Luke Can See Her Face"

778-Lorelai: Apparently, Dwight's last home was Oz and not as in the Wizard of!

-"Eight O'Clock at the Oasis"

779-Lorelai: Remember he owns Twister and that oughta offer some great visions!

-"Eight O'Clock at the Oasis"

780-Luke: I'm in soo far over my head I can't see my own hat!

Lorelai: Try turning it around!

781-Kirk: One day I realized… cows don't wrinkle! And you wanna know why they don't wrinkle? It's because they eat hay!

-"Those Lazy Hazy Crazy Days"

782-Lorelai: I finally figured out how to get that Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days of Summer song out of our heads! Just sing "It's a Small World" for 48 hours straight! How to get that song out of our heads I haven't figured that out yet!

-"Those Lazy Hazy Crazy Days"

783-Lorelai: Now if you had really wanted to date Jess I would've helped you… get vaccinated!

-"Those Lazy Hazy Crazy Days"

784-Lorelai: You're supposed to say 'Sorry Grandma but is my mother sees you, she will run, screaming, down the hall!'

-"Haunted Leg"

785-Lorelai: When you're up there remember three things! You're my daughter! I love you! And you're a girl in a skirt so keep you're knees closed!

-"Haunted Leg"

786-Rory: You know start early and make a major marathon thing out of it.

787-Rory: Our town is weird!

Lorelai: Thank God!

788-Lorelai: We are Anne Hays looking for a spaceship in Fresno, crazy!

789-Michel: I'm running out of French curse-words that they won't understand!

790-Rory: We were only apart for like two seconds and you managed to sleep with every one of your sister's friends! How did you even do that? I mean, did you work them in shifts?

-"Bridesmaids Revisited"

791-Lorelai: I moved thirty miles away from my parents for a reason! Those thirty miles act as a buffer, so that when my mother says something that makes me want to kill her, I have to drive thirty miles to do it! Ten miles in, I usually calm down or I get hungry or I pass a mall! Something prevents me from actually killing her. That buffer is my mother's best friend.

792-Logan: Even when we're together, you're somewhere else. You leave and you don't kiss me goodbye. We're at dinner and you're on your cell phone the whole time. You never leave notes anymore about where you're gonna be, so I have no idea where you are. You haven't forgiven me.

Rory: What are you talking about?

Logan: For the girls I was with when we were separated.

Rory: I said I forgive you.

Logan: Yeah, you said it, but you haven't.

-"I'm OK, You're OK"

793-Lorelai: Why are we running?

Sookie: 58 seats, 62 Koreans.

-"I get a Sidekick out of You"

795-Lorelai: They're horrible! All they do is bitch, bitch, bitch. I'd have left every one of them, too.

796-Emily: We thought it was time for a sit down.

Lorelai: A sit down? What, did you hide a gun in the bathroom first?

797-Lorelai: Is there a disease for being scared of a person who is scared of spiders?

Rory: No, I don't think there is a scientific name for it.

Lorelai: How about Arachnophobia-phobia?

798-Luke: Where's the party stuff?

Lorelai: Oh my gosh, I left the circus elephants in my car and I didn't crack a window!

799-Paris: He won't be running, dancing, or jumping off a cliff anytime soon but yeah!

800-Rory: You're awake!

Logan: Or hallucinating! Pretty good hallucination!

801-Luke: Wow you two are easy!

Lorelai: Spread that around will ya?

Luke: Will do.

-"Women of Questionable Morals"

802-Lorelai: See he called me hot plates! He likes me! He really does!

803-Lorelai: Sorry the house is going through a tunnel… shhhhhhhhh…. breaking… shhhhhhhh (Click!)

804-Lorelai: Want ice cream? I want ice cream!

Rory: Lorelai Gilmore go to your room.

Lorelai: Wow! Smart girls are mean.

805-Lorelai: You have a fireplace?

Rory: Wood-burning!

Lorelai: I don't think we can be friends anymore!

-"You've Been Gilmored"

806-Sookie: It needs to shout Washington Irving… not Irving my accountant!

-"The Bracebridge Dinner"

807-Taylor: I got a plane from Maine!

Lorelai: With all that rain in Spain?

-"Just like Gwen and Gavin"

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